Be a "Classy Guy"

We have already covered in the previous two posts a couple items that fall under what I call “Rule #1” or “Be a manly man”. We talked about “The Man Hour” when you let all that is uniquely masculine  within you take control and get the loud brutal nasty part of you escape out of your system out of the sight of the ladies, and we have covered dressing properly to be attractive for the ladies in “Clothes Make the Man”. Today I would like to take it a little further and talk about what it means to be a “Classy Guy”.

Having Class and Grace are not restricted just to one gender. In fact some of the ideas I will present here were gathered (and modified) from a blog called The Classy Woman.

http://theclassywoman.blogspot.com/

If you read through the Classy Woman and think about the modern world after you get past the ads for pretty dresses and shoes, I think that you will agree that most of it can be modified to fit the modern male just as well. Certainly to me being a Surrendered Husband involves being a class act and not a crass bore. 

Tea Your Ladyship?

Some of the behaviors that I think define class and elegance are:

1.      SMILE! Smiling creates a pleasant environment for those around you and keeps your spirits up too, no matter what life is throwing at you each day. It is a sign both of confidence in your abilities AND of your own comfort level with yourself. Smiling often instills a sunny disposition in the ladies who see it as well. Smiling gives other people a positive outlook and they usually bounce it right back. Research shows that women spend more time with guys who are smiling constantly than those who don’t. It also shows that they find them to be more attractive and more fun to be around and play with. All real ladies LIKE to be surrounded by happy, perky, lads and so will yours!

Smile! Women like happy guys just like YOU like being around happy women!

2.      Project a positive and cheerful attitude! Women like to be around guys who are eager to please and always have a kind word to say. A sunny disposition will brighten any room and lighten the moods of others. People like to be around other happy cheerful people and they will seek you out and pass by the perpetually downcast.

3.      Do not gossip. Do not talk ill of other people, even if it is true! Have only positive things to say about others, or simply hold your piece. There will be times when others will tempt you into making statements about other people that you dislike. You need to see these times as opportunities to practice deflecting the conversation. When asked what you think of Joe Jones (whom you really dislike), the bottom line roughest thing you should say would be something like “Well Joe and I have had our differences. We should just leave it at that.”

4.      Do not be argumentative. You may think that what you have to say must be heard, but most people are really not interested in your harsh opinions on politics or religion or any other controversial subject. In fact if others bring controversial subjects up that could cause hard feelings, this will be your opportunity to try and steer the conversation in a different direction. By saying something like: “That’s a fascinating subject. But maybe now is not the time or place to discuss it.”, you acknowledge the value of the person asking and re-focus everyone’s attention away from a dangerous subject matter. A guy who can do this and avoid speaking ill of others will be someone who is sought out in polite company and often trusted with secrets that other might not be.

No one likes a loud butt head.

5.      Do not be a bore. It is important to learn new things and it is important to have interesting ideas. But remember that what fascinates and motivates you may not be what fascinates and motivates others. If you find yourself getting excited over some subject do a quick reality check. Is the person listening actually interested or are they trying to be polite while pulling away. In most social encounters, it is best to keep conversation light and upbeat. Do not drill way down in detail on anything unless you are certain that the other person is just as interested as you are AND is in basic agreement. Women seem to especially dislike men who have strong opinions and will not be quiet around them.

6.      Be Chivalrous at all times. Classy lads always hold doors for ladies. Classy guys are always polite. They give their coats to ladies who are cold, and they are always ready to defend a ladies honor or physical well being. It makes no difference just who that lady is, she is a lady! As a Surrendered Hubby, you were put on Earth to serve, defend, and show respect for ladies both in public and in private! You were given muscles to protect little girls, old ladies, and even street walkers, not just the Lady who holds the legal papers on you, or other ladies that you think are “classy”. So always open doors for ladies and always let them know that you will defend them should the need arise. This will fill women with a sense of confidence, empowerment, and well being when they are with you and will communicate to them that you are both trustworthy and a really good guy!

Chivalry which is a form of service to ladies, needs to become the measure of manhood once again.

7.      Profanity is a no-no, and so is slang. Do not swear in front of women! It is low class. Sure I swear during “Man Hour” but I keep it at that. Don’t let ladies hear you cuss. It is offensive and low. Learn to enunciate your words. Do not slur them or use excessive slang. Show your class and style by exercising and practicing speaking well.

8.      Dressing and Grooming well are important. We went over some thoughts on wardrobe in a previous post, think along the same lines when grooming. Keep the hair on top of your head and your facial hair if any neat. Wash regularly, and present yourself as a clean and neat package.

9.      Walk Tall, and Gracefully, you Will Feel More Attractive! Whether you are making a grand entrance at the opera, walking your Lady Boss into a fine restaurant, doing the grocery shopping, or just pumping gas, hold your chin high. Stand with your head up, your shoulders back, lengthen your spine, and tuck your tummy in. Gracefully walk to your destination, always with purpose. Cute and classy guys always appear as though they have something very important to do, but are never in a rush about it.

Grace in more than name.

10.   Do Not Ogle Women! Never ever ogle or stare at women! Walk slowly, fully erect, with a sweet blank smile on your face and look straight ahead with gentle purpose and know that women are checking YOU out! Your mission is to be their pretty cupcake NOT the other way around! I know you WANT to check them out. Resist the urge! It makes them uncomfortable. Pretend that you don’t even see them! Soon their eyes will fall easily upon you! Don’t worry, if you have done everything else we’ve talked about up to this point you will get more than your share of the ladies checking you out! And wouldn’t you really rather have women feeling good about you and looking you over hungrily than turning away from you thinking that you are a creep?

Oh the Ladies DO check us out! Be worthy of it!

Trust me, they DO look!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5970007/Men-spend-a-year-staring-at-women.html

11.   Stay in Control! Don’t get drunk. Don’t yell and argue. Don’t be loud or have a sharp tongue. Losing self control is a sign of poor breeding and a sign that you are not doing your best to be classy. Know your limits. In terms of drinking, most women (not all) are more self controlled AND smaller. If you only match her drink for drink and do not go past her limits, you should be fine. Of course if your date is a real boozer, maybe YOU should look for a different lady.

12.   Learn how to take a Compliment. Too many people shrug off well meant comments either on their accomplishments, work, physical beauty, wardrobe, home and the list goes on. They do this with the "it's no big deal" response and attitude. You work hard every day and commit yourself just like Hollywood celebrities do but they accept their Oscars and Emmy Awards for all of their dedication and accomplishment. Smile, politely say thank you and just feel good about yourself. If you have received a compliment from a lady you have pleased a lady, and THAT is your life’s purpose! This also includes just being looked over! If a lady checks you out, smile back softly and acknowledge that you feel privileged to have been her eye candy that day.

13.   Know How to turn down a request. There are times in life where we are simply too tired, not interested or don't have the financial wherewithal to take part in an upcoming event or in someone's request. Most people just say okay, I'll do it or I'll be there because they don't want to be perceived as rude or selfish. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself, just ensure you express it the right way. Example: Your grandmother asks you to take some items she has stored for you (as she knows she is moving to a retirement home soon) and you just don't have the room and do not like them anyway. Simply say "Grandma, these are definitely some neat treasures. I would love to but I just can't." This does not leave room for discussion on how big your apartment is, if you have a storage locker or what personal style is. If she asks again, repeat the same words. "I would love to but I simply can't.

Summation – being a classy guy is not something that a man is born with. He must work at it. He must remember some basic rules and do his best. Trust me I make plenty of mistakes but I am moving in the right direction. Show a little breeding, and let the world come to you a bit. At the same time always be polite, helpful, and thankful. These are things that will put other people and especially ladies at ease around you.

Exhibit self control. Stand tall, walk in an unhurried manner, smile, and be polite. Put other people at ease. If you can do most of the things outlined here or just put forward a good effort and continually try to improve you will have traveled a long way toward either really making your wife/girlfriend proud and very happy with you, or be moving toward finding that someone special that you can pour your life out for.

This is probably enough about “Rule #1” for now.

Next time we will move from being a “manly man” to being your wife’s eager to serve and happy house maid. (er, butler right?)

Until then… Remember that class and style involve making the other person comfortable around you without selling yourself short. If you can show 'good breeding' and make people happy to see you coming, your life will be good.

The Clothes Make the Man

Continuing on with what I consider Rule #1 “Be a manly man.”, I thought that today would be a good time to talk about clothes. I know that many reading this as an FLR Blog are thinking cross dressing here. Sorry, as sexy a fantasy as that might be I am talking about being a man and dressing in men's clothes. Nice clothes. Quality clothes. Clothes that will get you noticed not for their flamboyance but for your understated style.

One of the many blessings we have as men today is that women are no longer shy about looking us over and letting us know that they appreciate being around guys whom they consider to be “eye candy”. I have experienced “The Look” more than once and every time it feels like a blessing straight out of heaven! 

I was handed the phrase “The Look” on a wonderful day when I was dressed well and had just experienced it myself several times in a row. I was at the art museum in a big city that I do not live in on a crowded Saturday afternoon. I was wearing a pair of charcoal slacks, black wingtip shoes, a light blue Oxford button down shirt, a colorful tie (one of my collection of Jerry Garcia ties to be exact) and a tweed charcoal jacket (which has just a hint of a couple other colors in the weave). That jacket is my favorite piece of clothing. I was on my way to somewhere near there in a short time and just wanted to stop and get some lunch.

Ladies LOVE Well Dressed Guys!

Now one would expect the crowd at a big city art museum on a Saturday afternoon to be fairly well dressed. But what I found was that most people were in baggy sweat pants, or old faded jeans, or some other ‘height of casual’ fashion. I had just parked the car and been looked over thoroughly by roving female eyes probably four or five times by the time I reached my destination, which was the museum cafe. The lady at the register looked at me and smiled. “My, but you are well dressed.” 

GODDESS IN HEAVEN, I LOVE HEARING THOSE WORDS COME FROM A WOMAN’S LIPS!

Ooouuuuhhh check him out!

My response to that or basically any compliment is always a gentle smile and soft eye contact: “Why thank you.” A simple thank you shows class. It acknowledges the other person for saying good things about you and it neither deflects the praise in false humility, nor becomes boastful as it could if you were to suddenly dive into unwanted details. Just say “Why, Thank you.” It always works and allows both of you to feel good about the conversation.

She continued obviously wanting to talk some more about men's clothing: “My husband travels for work and he often wears a suit when he flies. He tells me that when he does he gets “The Look” all the time. Then she laughed a little and said: “You KNOW what I’m talking about don’t you?” I blushed a little and said “Yes, and well it’s really pretty nice.” “Well, let me tell you that WE appreciate it when you guys dress nice. That’s for sure.” I felt like she had broken the secret sisterhood’s vow of silence on something that we are not supposed to be told. And I REALLY appreciated it. 

Was she flirting with me? Oh maybe just a little, she did tell me about her husband. She obviously wasn’t ‘on the prowl’. But what she DID do was pay me the ultimate compliment that a twenty first century male can receive from a female. She had basically told me that I looked pretty and that she enjoyed looking me over and wanted to thank me for dressing up for her. She made me feel really good the rest of the day and only re-enforced what I had learned on my own elsewhere.

True Story

After lunch I was standing in the main hallway waiting for my Queen and must have experienced "The Look" a dozen times in ten minutes or so. It was HEAVEN! For the first time in my life I recognized in women's eyes what I knew had been in my own for them so many times. A woman would suddenly notice me and look me over from head to toe a little hungrily and then just as suddenly she would realize that I had seen her and dart her eyes away in shame. 

When I see a woman paying me that ultimate compliment of checking me out like that I always try to find a way to silently thank her with a gentle smile and maybe a tiny nod. But just like us, they too feel a certain shame in being caught staring. So if they are bold enough to retain contact, smile and nod. It is a way for them to feel good about checking you out.

Now I am no awesomely handsome dude. I want to make that clear. I'm fair looking, but my face will not stop clocks and my body while it is big and strong looking is not what one would call trim. All I am saying is that ANY guy can improve the way he looks to women simply by paying attention to his wardrobe. It's not that hard guys!

Like most things, fashion obviously swings back and forth. In the 1930s and 40s men basically dressed in suits and ties whenever they were out in public. I really like how they dressed back then. The movies show a real flare for what it was to be a gentleman. Well dressed, but not prissy. A manly man if you will who has an easy careful manner but isn’t afraid to give someone a sock on the jaw if he insults a lady. 

One of my favorite movies from the era is called “Mr. Lucky” and stars Cary Grant and Loraine Day. Cary Grant was always both stylish and manly in all of his movies. The ladies LOVED him! OK maybe later we found out that he didn’t love the ladies quite as much as they loved him, but still his on screen persona is something I find inspirational.

Lorraine Day And Carey Grant in Mr Lucky

Today, we live in a time when the average person dresses like they just fell out of bed and found a couple of rags to tape to their bodies. IMHO, the pendulum between ‘too formal’ and ‘too casual’ has swung to the absolute limit of casual and should be swinging the other way very soon. (MY GAWD I HOPE SO!)

So what does this mean to you, the potentially ‘Surrendered Husband’, the potential 'Stepford' or 'Trophy' husband? It means ‘Easy Pickings’! That’s what it means! I love it. It is SO easy for me to out dress the average man around me now and garner the share of female attention that he deserved too that it makes me laugh. 

Here are some guidelines on how to dress like a classy gentleman:

1)      Go through your closet and simply eliminate anything that does not make you look good when you wear it! If it is worn, torn, stained, or ill fitting either donate it to charity, throw it out or designate it to the ‘clothes used when painting’ category. Get Rid of it! Why would you WANT to wear something that makes you look poorly?

2)      Take pride in what you do own. Keep your shoes shined. Take your shirts to the cleaners and have them cleaned and pressed. Look sharp! 

3)      Update your style. I work in a place where the ‘uniform’ is khaki pants and polo shirts all the time and THEN we have ‘Casual Friday’! On Friday the ‘uniform’ is worn out blue jeans and running shoes. I never found worn out clothes to actually be more ‘comfortable’ than sharp looking ones. So I wear nice clothes every day at work. I wear nice dress slacks, polished dress shoes and when the weather permits a sports coat. I like it when the weather permits me to wear a jacket like that. I do not wear ties to work. I would if it felt right but going too far above the norm can make you look cartoonish. For example, it might be fun to wear a tuxedo, top hat, and a men’s mink coat. But I would not wear them to an eighth grade soccer game. Get the pic? So until style catches up a bit I will not be wearing a tie to work in a casual office atmosphere.

4)      Slowly replace your old clothes with quality new clothes. Update your look while you are at it. Have a plan and add one piece at a time to a nice wardrobe. I shop regularly. It is something I do over lunchtime and I work with a couple of tailors here in my town who know what I like. They also know that I shop and am not always going to buy something on every visit, but I do give them my business. I COULD buy things at department stores, but the quality of the material is not always the same, nor will you get a fit that is as good. These higher quality clothes can be expensive, and that is why I buy one piece at a time while keeping my overall plan on track. 

Now it’s obvious that you need to dress appropriately for your surroundings. I don’t wear a tie to work, but I do wear one when I am out on the town. I don’t wear a suit to mow the lawn. If you work in say an auto body shop, you will wear clothes that are durable and that you can damage if need be. But after work, after whatever it is that you do that requires rough clothes, dress up and take your lady out on the town. Be her “Arm Candy”, let her show you off to other women as their “Eye Candy”. Face it, men love going out with good looking women! It makes the man look better in other men's eyes. The opposite is also true. Women like taking a fine looking guy out with them and parading him in front of other women too!

Finally think about this – If you had the opportunity to do something simple that would make you look good in women’s eyes would you do it? Of course you would! Guys workout like fiends to look good to women only to waste all that work by dressing as if it did not matter at all what they wore.

Crunches are a pain, dressing well is easy!

Here are a couple of links about men’s clothing and dressing well. I don’t necessarily agree with everything in them but they do have some very good information:

http://www.esquire.com/style/fashion-story/mens-casual-fall-fashion-2011-0911#slide-1

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/09/25/good-fitted-suit-visual/

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/unspoken-suit-rules-every-man-should-know

The Man's Hour

I outlined three major areas of concentration for the man who truly wants to do everything he can to please and serve his woman. The first is to be a ‘manly man’. This will take more than one entry to cover and this entry is just a start, but it involves being someone who gives her confidence. This is a man who supports her in all the areas of her life, financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc... Having this man around allows her to relax knowing that “It’s handled”.

Don't Worry! I've got you Lois!

One of the greatest compliments I have ever received was one night when we were out on a date and my Queen told me “I like going out with you. I always feel safe when you are with me.”

Providing physical safety is one of the important things that men can do for women. But that in itself is not what this entry is about. 

It should come as no surprise to anyone reading up to this point that I love women. I mean I LOVE WOMEN!!! I love being around them. I love doing things for them. I love seeing them smile. I love making them happy in any way that I can. I love their voices when they are excited. There are times when I think I could be very happy living in a world populated by just me and millions of women. 

I would LOVE to work in a fur shop and spend my days telling ladies how awesome they are!

I could be happy working in a dress shop, a women’s shoe shop, or a furrier and spending my time listening endlessly to the divine voices of women and only occasionally keeping the conversation going by interjecting just how beautiful they look, how wonderful they are, how smart they are, and how interesting they are, etc.

Working at Women's feet. Not a bad job either!

BUT…

We are men, and a man is not a woman with a penis. We have certain genetically coded male needs. I am not talking about sex here. I am talking about being manly. We are large, physical creatures and we need to express that masculine desire to control and dominate the environment around us even if only for a little while. And yes dominating the environment for the benefit of our women is one of our greatest gifts.

That is why I have come up with the concept of the “Man’s Hour”. This is a time with zero feminine influence. It can be a fairly short time, but we all need it. 

I am NOT talking about going out with the boys to drink Miller Lite and yell at sports on TV. Nor am I talking about going to strip clubs.

What I AM talking about is a regular period of time when we get away and do ‘our thing’ without the ladies being present. It can be sitting in a duck blind in the freezing cold waiting to bag dinner. It can be tearing apart an old engine and rebuilding it. For me I get away from the rest of my life three or four times a week and lift heavy barbells. I sweat. I grunt. I bang the weights until they clang loudly. I even drop occasional F- Bombs. None of these are things I would do willingly in front of ladies! But this time is different than the others and it needs to be kept separate. 

Duck Hunting Dudes letting their inner wild man out.

I do the Power Lifter style of workout with Squats, Dead Lifts, Bench Press and Over Head pressing comprising my core exercises. And I do them to the point of failure sometimes. So I require myself to give a 100% effort. 

I must now back up and say that Women are more than capable of shooting ducks, rebuilding engines, and lifting weights. In fact some women lift more than I do and I think that they are awesome. I have much respect for anyone who shares my passions and puts out full effort. But this is not about who can and who cannot do things. This is about getting away from our everyday lives of going to the office and sitting quietly, then coming home and smiling sweetly while you do your housework, and making her dinner and telling her (the truth) that she is your whole universe, and letting out the primal (earthy and yes ‘rude’) animal within.

I love that adrenalin rush and testosterone release during a heavy dead lift!

Doing this clears my head and I am happy afterward. Yes what I do makes me more imposing for anyone who might threaten me or the Queen to have to deal with and that is a wonderful side benefit, but mostly this time keeps things in balance for me. For others there can be the side benefit of actually doing something useful with the 'spare' time.

So be a gentleman. Be a man. Be a beast. Then come back home, put on your apron and do the dishes with a smile that tells her that she is your Queen and that every thought that you think and every breath that you breathe is thought and breathed in service to her!

But when man 'hour' is over the over 23 belong to HER!

Ahhhhhh Domestic Bliss!!!