In my previous posting, I talked about couples where the woman has been reduced to a screaming shrew because she feels trapped in a marriage where the man does basically nothing and expects her to do it all.
Her ineffectual attempts to get him involved lead her down a road of increasing frustration and hostility, until she is screaming at him and he has tuned her out.
|At This Point, I Bet She Would Love To Do This.|
Of course I bet he would love it too!
Well at least I would love it!
I think... DAMN that would hurt!
Since I started out in a place similar to this and have worked my way out of it I have learned a few things along the way. And building up her confidence is a big part of it. In fact when I set out on my journey, building up her confidence and sense of self worth were critical elements in my set of goals. This was one of the original goals that remained and I feel that I have been successful in achieving. There is always a ways to go but progress has been made.
I will start with the caveat that everything I say about women and confidence will apply to men as well. I will discuss men and the abundance or lack of confidence in a later posting.
A woman without confidence is molded by the environment and events around her.
A woman with confidence molds the environment and events around her.
A woman without confidence tries to mold the people and the environment around her through negative and defensive behaviors. Often a person like this resorts to playing the game of 'Get the first hurt in before they hurt you.' They sometimes operate in that way in order to have any influence or power and they feel that they must act negatively and do or say things that put others in a negative light.
This is a terribly unfulfilling way to live and is often the way children in Jr. High School behave.
On the other hand a woman who has confidence generally will be the one who lifts others up instead of putting them down. These are the people we like being around. They often make us the center of attention and when they do, you feel good about yourself and you feel good in their presence. I may have quoted him before but the great showman Florence Ziegfeld was known to make everyone else 'the star' when he was with them. He would sing other people's praises in public and in so doing, these people would seek out his company without even realizing why.
|The man who created the Ziegfeld Follies probably knew a thing or two about showcasing people and talent.|
Obviously the opposite is also true. If you are constantly talking about yourself and your achievements and trying to make yourself the center of attention, your audience will eventually dwindle.
A while back, I posted about a very minor incident that I really enjoyed, as I believe did the two ladies involved.
It was called "Doing Chores For Other Ladies Under Her Direction".
In it I chronicled my impressions of an experience of being 'volunteered' to do a chore for a lady friend of the Queen's.
She is a good lady and a strong and confident lady as well. I really enjoy her company and doing little chores for her is fun. And when I am doing them under the direction of Her Majesty, well it's just delightful! Two strong and confident women gently bossing me around! It's Like a Visit to Pussy Whipped Paradise!
It was a simple task, remove, launder, and rehang a set of flags at her small private school. The collection had grown over the years and were both getting dirty and hung a bit haphazardly. As she is a widow now having her lady friends 'ask' their husbands to do things for her seems very natural and a good idea as well.
I knelt at both of their feet (YUM unto itself!) and did my part of the tasks while they talked and caught up. (It was on a second floor landing) It was so fun and so rare an opportunity to publicly kneel at multiple women's feet while they paid me no mind. That I relish it to this day! Frankly, I think they loved it too!
Rachael (not her real name) was so sweet and thankful and at one point went off to get me a knife or some scissors or something. I got to kiss the Queen's hand from my knees while she was gone. She beamed as I blushed and knelt happily at her feet.
All in all it was a very pleasant experience Ms. Rachael praised me in excess of the value of my efforts. I felt like a good little boy in her school as she did, and only in the best and happiest sense. And her Majesty took me home and showed me that she too had been very happy with my efforts in her own fashion!
Now switch to one week later. The flags, removed and laundered are ready to be brought back and rehung. Only this time Ms. Rachael is not there and the care taker couple will be the ones to let us in.
Let us call the care taker lady "Doris". Doris meets us at the door, and neither of us has ever seen her before. We never see her husband at all. He is watching football on TV. If this had been Rachael's recently deceased husband he would have certainly met us and seen if we needed anything. I think he and I had quite a few things in common in our relations with the Mistress Race!
I may be reading too much into this but I think that simple fact of Mr. Care Taker being absent tells me a bit about the mind set of this couple.
As I get started, and encounter my first bit of difficulty Doris looks down her nose at me and with a half smile asks "Have you ever done this before?" Soooo she's into humiliating the men that are already kneeling at her feet is she? (SOUNDS YUM!)
|Go For It Lady!|
Show him Who Is Boss!
Make him Cry!
"um, no." I reply.
Now she gives me the full sneering laugh: "You've never done this before?"
It's really kind of a simple thing, although like any task you are new at you may have to figure a few things out along the way. I didn't want to be a smart ass and say something like "Well you get what you pay for." or "No. Would you like to do it?" or "I was recruited for this." Instead I just swallowed my pride (doesn't that sound tasty? If it's your woman or a woman you really like it is delicious!) and press on.
As she does not get the defensive rise she appeared to be hoping for out of me, she leaves.
The Queen seems oblivious to all this, but it did seem a rather negative encounter. I mean THEY are the caretakers. Shouldn't they 'take care' or at least offer to 'take care'. And if someone else comes and does it should you sneer at them for volunteering?
I did this out of my affection for Ms. Rachael. That and because it was my Queen and Mistress who 'asked' me to. And well doing chores at assertive ladies feet IS what guys like us live for right?
Anyway, this is really a small incident. It certainly does not reveal the full character of the individuals involved which as actual whole human beings, is always much deeper and wider than I could ever reveal here or even know myself!
But it does set my thoughts into motion. Thoughts of confidence and leadership. Thoughts of affection and I don't want to say 'repulsion' but maybe indifference. I feel great affection for Ms. Rachael, while further contact with Ms. Doris interests me very little.
One of the thoughts I had was that there are people who never leave their 'comfort zone', and for them the thought of doing such is the scariest thing there can be. They have a certain set of skills and opinions which they have fine tuned and polished to the point of being really good in performing the associated tasks and in reverberating the acceptable opinions of those in their rather limited circle of friends. They limit their circle to the point where everyone basically agrees all the time. I doubt it is conscious but when someone has a differing opinion than the group they usually find themselves ostracized pretty quickly. (I am sure everyone here has some experience like this to call upon.)
A "safe" world has been constructed for them.
Often for these people when a task needs to be done, you call an 'expert' instead of venturing into those waters yourself. And miraculously 'experts' appear. I have known women like this before. They would not attempt a minor fix to something that certainly would not be too strenuous for any average woman to accomplish, but they call on a man to do it. And they expect that man to be prima facia 'an expert' on any number of things. They expect a 'white knight' to ride to their rescue.
|Don't Worry Your Pretty Little Heads Ladies!|
I Will Rescue You!
Often the men they call like to act like experts in everything and are only too happy to 'poo poo' those who need their help. Even though if no one called upon them their own sense of self worth would undoubtedly plummet.
Well ladies I am sorry to tell you that I am not an 'expert' on EVERYTHING that some of you expect me to be an expert at. Most men aren't. I discussed earlier that I am no electrician and while I COULD do that kind of work at home, it would be done faster and better by someone else AND I could avoid having sleepless nights for years worrying about burning down the house!
When these expectations are not met, even in the slightest, by the person who was asked to do the job then that person is to be belittled in all things as an incompetent boob. They may not have had any more experience that the person asking but were the ones brave enough and selfless enough to try, yet they must be punished!
Being 'asked' to do something by a woman like this is usually a one time thing for me. I have no desire to attempt things I am not an expert in for someone who will treat me negatively no matter what I do.
This brings up the idea of the male archetype of a Superhero. Some women live without any personal confidence in doing things for themselves because 'real men are superheroes' 'real men can do anything'. Uh no. There are no people male or female that can do just anything like a expert.
While they would never admit it and they have expertise in certain areas, these women are basically 'clinging vines', who expect men to do everything for them. And while I am more than happy to volunteer my every waking moment to doing chores and serving a strong confident woman, I am not so willing to volunteer my time for a woman whose expectations of me are both soaring and ultimately very fragile.
If I 'Screw Up' in from of my Queen, she will probably laugh first then offer to support me in my efforts. I think the same would be true of Ms. Rachael and numerous other women I would be more than happy to dedicate my every waking moment to serving and pleasing.
However, if I 'Screw Up' in front of a woman with no self confidence, I know that she will do her best to belittle me and drive me away. Those with confidence tend to thank more, and those without tend to complain more.
I think there are lessons for all of us to take from this whether we are male or female. Firstly if someone goes out of their way to help you, treat them with a thankful spirit and if you see that they need help be brave and offer it. Both of these behaviors will draw people towards you and you will often find a supportive response. Never belittle another's honest efforts to help you. This you will find as you look from the outside as an act of fear that will push people away from you.
Secondly, and I think this REALLY applies to us subby-hubby types, one of your main goals in life needs to be to increase your Queen's self-confidence! A confident Mistress will test you and mold you and guide you. She will be a pleasure to serve and even yes, to OBEY. She will recognize the sacrifices you make for her even if you fail, and she will love you for it. Hers will become a firm yet loving hand that can guide you all the days of your lives.
I know that we are the slaves and they are the Queens, etc. BUT, your service to her is what can bring out the true Majesty in Her! If you spend your life poo-pooing her and patting her on the head every time there is the slightest issue and through your manly weight around to constantly 'Save the Little Woman', you will even unknowingly damage her confidence and ruin the chance you both have for happiness.
If on the other hand you do all the things I've talked about in earlier entries like put everything aside to LISTEN to her, and support her in her decisions, and drop everything to do things for her, endlessly do little things to show t hat you are thinking about her, she will feel respected and her poise will slowly climb. She will feel that she can 'ask you' to do anything and that you will and that you will out of love, deference and respect.
Few women are born to be openly dominant over a man I know sad but true. But, you can help build up the woman you are already married to, and help her feel the love and self esteem to go forward and live out her natural birth right to be the head of your home. But to do so, you must support her.
Do so, and you can both live out your real dreams.
|A Properly Respected Woman Feels Her Power And Confidence.|
If you Treat Her Right And Build her Confidence Daily,
She Will Become The Ruling Female Force you Have Always Dreamed Of