Ladies Always Come First

In previous entries I have discussed some issues related to what I call Rule #1 “Be a Manly Man:” and Rule #2 “Become your Ladies Domestic Servant”. If you have been able to do most of the things in Rules 1 and 2 you are well on your way to being ruled by a happy Queen. But let us now turn our attention to the third and final of my “Big Rules” to serve and please your Lady. This is the most personal and intimate of the three rules and it involves “Romancing your Lady to make her feel special”.

A truly Surrendered hubby is always available for romantic times whenever his Empress desires them. Why shouldn’t he be? This to me is one of the greatest joys in life! To serve her and please her and make her feel important and content with you is indeed a great honor! Since people are all individuals, all that I can do in this entry is relate how things have been for me and how the relationships in my life have gone. “Your mileage may vary.”

The first thing that I must state is that women in general do not think the way men do. That should be obvious, but if I state it out front it may help to focus on how WE as men must adapt to that fact if we are looking for success. Now let me state something that some of you may find surprising: “Women like sex!” They just don’t always like it the way men like it.

 

Women More Often Than Men, Think About Romance

 

Men on average think about sex almost all of the time! I’ve even seen studies that indicate that men think about sex every 20 seconds! It is just a constant with us! Often those thoughts are purely physical and the sight of an attractive woman (or just a subconscious thought about one) can trigger this response. And men when given the opportunity will often react readily with very little forethought.

Men More Often Then Women, Think About Sex

Women on the other hand are often ‘slower to boil’ and usually need to be thinking about it for some time before it happens. The thoughts are not always as physical as mens (Although they can be), and usually involve more of an emotional / romantic element than ours do.

So the first difference would be frequency. Since as I said in an earlier entry that most men masturbate at least daily, it follows that most men would be ready for sex at least daily as well (if they learned to control themselves!). Women (and I am speaking in general terms here) would like sex a little less frequently. This difference can lead to a certain amount of friction within the average couple. He simply wants it more often than she does. If he insists or pressures her or makes her feel guilty about not keeping him as satisfied as he would like to be, then she will eventually react quite negatively to the whole experience. No one likes to feel pressured. Much like being expected or ‘forced’ to do all of the housework, women do not like to feel ‘forced’ into being anyone’s sex tool.

Stop Pressuring Me!

Therefore, it is important that we men (if we want to please our ladies) need to control ourselves here. Do not pressure her for sex! You will only turn her off! But there is a flip side to this as well. Since most of the men who are reading this would probably categorize themselves as more submissive than aggressive with women, there will probably not be much of a problem of having you grab her, push her down and have your way with her as there might be with other men. But that does not mean that there is not a flip side to this which is just as bad.

Women do not want a passive aggressive mate who is constantly whining or begging for sex either. In fact most women would probably rather have the other extreme. It’s just not manly, and you can make a damned pest out of yourself by trying to make her feel guilty that your needs are not being met.

Well Mister Whiney Pants, I am here to inform you that ‘Your” need is to please “Her”! Neither of you may understand that, but it is (or it certainly always has been for me) the crux of the issue. When men truly begin to sublimate their own desires to the genuine desires of their mate, a wonderful transformation in your lives will begin. Like I talked about last time when dealing with housework, if she feels pressured or unappreciated or more likely both, she will be frustrated and unhappy. She may keep it all inside for a long time. But if she does, she will probably lash out at you eventually. This can be direct or it can happen in other areas, but nobody wants to feel pressured all the time to do things that are not their idea. It is not ‘her duty’ to please you!

Give the Woman Some Space!

So transform your thinking. Begin to understand what a privilege it is to please her! If you can do that and TRULY make that a new part of your personality and your outlook, she will begin to relax around you and truly begin to enjoy playing with you more than ever.

For me personally, my sex life basically took off when I began to truly focus all my energies on her. She has a certain ‘pride of ownership’ in how I look and behave outside the house. She feels secure that she is married to a manly man who will love her, provide for her, defend her and be someone that looks desirable enough for her to want to show him off. She feels relaxed and happy at home now because the house is generally ‘in order’ and although she often pitches in, she is not ‘required’ to do all the cooking and cleaning any longer. She doesn’t really consider me to be ‘her maid’, although she does laugh sometimes at my efforts to cook and clean. “You look so cute dusting the shelves like my little butler…” (It made me blush a little when she said that, but I was duly compensated later that day for what slight embarrassment I endured as well as for my efforts.) So she feels more relaxed, more confident, and more in control.

In my voluntary chastity I am almost always 100% ‘ready’. I certainly feel much more appreciative and ‘romantic’ now than ever before and I know that she notices. I let her know in subtle ways that if she wants me I will be there for her without either demanding or whining. If she lets me know that I am going to ‘get lucky’ then I follow through. If not it’s OK. I think she really loves it! By focusing on her all the time, she gets little gifts and thoughtful little reminders that I live to please her and this has made her feel much more romantic.

At first she would have her fun on me and then collapse exhausted. Later she would tell me that she felt guilty about having everything be about her. She felt guilty in just taking her pleasure when we were together. I let her know that that was what made me happiest and that my ‘pleasure’ meant very little compared to pleasing her. It took her time but she really grew to not only accept but really enjoy that role. She was to be pleased and served when she wanted it. Now she simply LOVES it!

There is no female frustration any more. She takes, I give. It’s as simple as that! And yet I “get” more than I ever have before simply because the pie to divide from is so much bigger now! Oh she encourages me to ‘enjoy myself’ from time to time, but it’s always either after she is finished with me OR she is simply so sated that she isn’t interested for herself at that time and thinks it’s time to “give me a little treat”. Either way it is more than enough for me! It is far more than I have ever had before! Oh and you guys out there who want a more sexually aggressive woman, this is the road to that goal! My Queen, when she wants me has become a real Tigress now! She even growls at me some times!

Be All That You Can Be!

One time she told me about an email that she sent to one of her girl friends. She told her that I cooked, and cleaned house and that our sex life had just gone “Zoom!” I had taken responsibility to make our married life in her words “The way that God had intended it.” I will post later on my thoughts about “Marriage the way God had intended it.” But for now I will simply say that she was quite satisfied with me and I felt very blessed. One time she was so happy about our new arrangement that she actually told me that she felt sorry for women from long ago and wondered if they ever had as much fun as she was having now. I told her that I was sure they had their moments and the stereotypes could not have been all true, but just in case they were, then I felt obliged to try to even things up. She liked that idea…

Who Doesn't Live To See This Look?

One of the things that often gets in the way of a happy personal relationship is life itself. Jobs, Children, Pets, Housework, etc… It becomes difficult when you are constantly interrupted by other things that do not allow you time to just be alone and relax. That is why in our house we commit ourselves to ‘get away weekends’ at least once every three months. We just travel somewhere and do something that we will both enjoy and stay away from home. They are often GREAT weekends and we both return feeling totally renewed and in love.

They can take planning, and well you’re the man! Talk with her see what she might like to do and where she would want to go then make the arrangements. If you get tickets for some event, a play, a concert, a museum, a festival, and set up the hotel reservations, (or plane tickets and rent a car), and just take care of things the way she likes it you’ll have a great time away. This is a time to just relax and be with each other. Especially if you have kids and can find someone to take them off your hands for a day or two this is terrific. Kids REALLY interrupt the happiness quotient at times. Oh I know that in the long run children make a life worth living, but at times they also drive people crazy.

Encourage Her And Build Her Confidence And Assertiveness.

 

So if you truly want to be her loving and obedient “Stepford Husband”, “Trophy Husband”, or “Surrendered Husband” then follow all three of my big three rules. Rule #1 – Be a man! Look good and carry yourself with dignity, strength, and gentility. Rule #2 Be her Domestic Servant! Clean her house and make her dinner! Do all the little chores that she is tired of doing. Take ownership of these tasks. And Rule #3 – “Be her loyal and eager male nymphomaniac in bed.” Always be ready to serve and please without being pushy, whiny, or demanding. This is the ultimate in personal service and once you have pleased her let her know how thankful you are for having been able to love her in this way and what an awesome woman that she is! Appreciate this marvelous gift!

Oh, And Always Remember Your Place....