Reality - The Road To Joy - Part 1

As I write this entry I have to tell you that I have been feeling pretty euphoric of late. I am almost certain that I am imagining things and this CAN’T really be as good as it is, but it sure feels that way. 

I feel like my woman really LOVES me. I feel that women in general really enjoy my company. I feel totally overwhelmed with blessings.

This has not always been the case with me and I think the same could probably be said for most of us who harbor feelings of downright adulation for females and hold them in higher esteem than we do ourselves.

Much of my life I have of course fantasized about powerful women and dreamed of having them dominate me. These dreams and fantasies have obviously been powered by images from movies, TV shows, magazines, and now the internet.

The dream is always the extreme 24/7 version of male servitude and female supremacy. I grovel and beg and lick her boots. She (or better a large group of she’s) in turn snarl at me, heap scorn upon me and whip my naked and helpless ass. 

Amazon Capture And Humiliation - Every REAL Man's DREAM! (Well it's mine so it must be...)

At different points in my life I attempted to duplicate various parts of this dream as the only possible road to my fulfillment. I asked girl friends to spank me or dominate me in some fashion. Some cooperated for a time. Some had fun with it a few times but after a while it just seemed too weird for them and they distanced themselves from me and we broke up. Most women just thought I was a sicko and things slowly went downhill in our relationships after that. Yet I persevered! 

OMG! That is SO SICK!

Yet in my heart I also felt great shame. I felt unworthy to be loved by a woman BECAUSE I worshiped and adored them so much! I would make eye contact with a woman and instantly shift away in shame as she returned it. I knew that she had ‘caught me’ staring at her and I was not worthy.

For many, many years, I would see a woman and as she 'caught me' looking at her quickly averted my unworthy eyes. I just KNEW that she was thinking "What a creep! He just wants ONE THING! Disgusting men! All he wants is to use me sexually and throw me away! Pig!" Actually the ONE THING I wanted was to fall on my hands and knees and worship her, be taken home by her and made to serve as her slave forever more. But what I thought that they saw was a disgusting macho pervert.

What they probably did see was a guy who was so conflicted that his confidence was zero and seeing this they reacted properly under the circumstances. If I didn't have any confidence in myself then they shouldn't either."Look, if HE thinks he is a pervert, I bet that he is right!"

Yuck! Don't you DARE look at me you worm!

My attitude is MUCH different and MUCH healthier now. If I get 'caught' looking at a woman, I am already standing tall with my shoulders back and chest out, a light smile on my face and the instant she makes eye contact I flash a little more smile and maybe nod in acknowledgement. 

Guys, do NOT ogle women. But don't be ashamed if you make eye contact either! It was my lack of confidence that made them turn away. Now MOST of these women smile back sometimes a little self conscientiously as if to say "That man over their thinks I am pretty! I like that!"

And yes now I don't feel like I am unworthy to look upon women. If it happens and I am confident in my bearing, I now know my place in the universe and I feel very blessed and quite worthy to SERVE and ADORE women in the ways that they like it. Not only do I now feel WORTHY to serve and adore women, I feel that that is one of the reasons I was on Earth in the first place! I dress well. I carry myself well. I open doors for ladies. I pick things up if they happen to drop something. I smile for them. Do my best to be 'cute', and let them know that I respect them and LOVE being in their company. 

But back to my fantasy/reality dichotomy - my sexual drive wanted, no it DEMANDED female dominance or it would never be fulfilled. And frankly no female I ever met ever really wanted to do that. None. I was heart sick. I see this lament all the time on line. So many guys want to be submissive yet there seem to be no matching dominant women to take them up on it.

Or are there? 

Is true female dominance always a dominatrix in leather or latex who wants to be an aloof majestic bitch all the time, she makes you scrub the floor on your hands and knees for hours every day in the nude and frequently beat your ass with a kitchen spoon or a riding crop? Is that the hallmark of real female power today? 

 

Domestic Female Domination - OUCH! YUM! OUCH! YUM! Tears of Shame! Tears of Ecstasy!

Can such a relationship really exist and sustain itself?

Or is it more likely that what most of us are actually asking for is a kinky beat my ass and humiliate me part time relationship, where when it is over our Female Dominance dream woman makes us dinner and does the laundry while we watch TV and have a beer? These type of fantasy relationships that only last as long as there is intense kink remind me of porn because you get totally overwhelmed with feelings of love and desire, then once you have climaxed you almost immediately lose interest and move on.

Is this ‘fantasy’ really even possible? Or is it really destined to be a fantasy and nothing more?

If it can never be, then why do so many men feel this tremendous pull to have it happen? Why do so many men fantasize about it their whole lives through? 

Maybe just maybe, there IS a realistic solution. Maybe what we are seeing in our dreams and searching for online without ceasing is just a shadow of the reality that can be our newer happier lives. Just maybe what we are dreaming about is an extreme version of what we really seek that IS healthy and happy and wonderful and doable. Since we suppress the thoughts and expressions of female ‘leadership’ or female ‘reverence’ so harshly in our everyday lives (maybe not us specifically but PLENTY of men do in our presence regularly - and I have a quarter that says those who put women down the hardest have some of the MOST VIVID female dominant fantasy lives around!) without even thinking about it that we have ended up creating a leather clad monster to both worship and torment us all of our lives. The more anyone suppresses something the harder it comes back somewhere else.

So my guess is that if there was more female domestic empowerment and a more open and accepting environment for it in our every day lives, the natural instincts to say 'Yes Ma'am' and to do some chores to make her happy, and bring her something to eat or drink, or sit quietly and adoringly and listen to her for hours would simply flow from us without a second thought and the drastic dominant, humiliating fantasies we have would vanish as we were no longer suppressing our dreams and making them stronger.

We read about and see for ourselves examples of modern women’s empowerment throughout society. We see the ladies getting more advanced degrees in college than the guys do. We see them moving up the corporate ladder like never before. Yet we STILL see women, grown women treated like children to be laughed at or have their opinions ignored when they take leadership positions. 

We are all familiar with the image of the angry man hating feminist who has had it with us, and frankly I am surprised the number of them is not higher if we are still doing the things we do to them as I imagine we are. Infantilisation is a real issue. Just watch how men treat other men with an opinion and how they treat a woman with just as valid an opinion. The men are generally listened too and the women and scorned. Their ideas are belittled, and they are treated like they are little children to be patronized.

I read a book a few years back by Naomi Wolfe (I believe it was The Beauty Myth - but I may be wrong) about women and power. She said some very interesting things on the subject. We say that girls do not dream about being in control because of the toys they choose and the games they play. Instead of a war plane or a big construction crane, they play with dolls and pretend to be the mommy. Only they pretend to be the VERY BIG Mommy who makes everyone in the family do EXACTLY what mommy wants them to do when and how Mommy wants them to do it! 

Ever 'play house' with a little girl and her dolls. Most of them are pretty clear about the roles and they are the ones who make things happen. You are there to 'assist' them. If you break out of the role she has assigned you for the game, you will be 'put straight' in a hurry. And I am talking about four and five year old girls here! They are the boss of play time just like they are the boss in the game they are playing just like the real dream of control of the family they will run one day.

Small Dolls in the Dollhouse, a Princess in a Tiara, and a Pink Pony to ride – 3 symbols of the Power Dreams of Most Girls

And yes, girls do love horses. They love the big sleek powerful animals that they can get on top of and control. In many ways horses resemble the man who will be in their lives later. The message I got from all this was that girls DO dream about control and about power. It just manifests itself in a different way than what we would expect from boys. 

Another good book that I (very secretly) read back in the early 90s was Dr. Nancy Friday's book about Female Sexual Fantasies and how they have changed through the years. She is a clinical psychologist and over the years she wrote that the fantasies of women have grown more and more aggressive and more dominant as their positions in society have become more power wielding. It was titled "Women On Top". With a title like that how could I resist sneaking away with a copy to feed my own submissive fantasy machine!?

FANTASY ALERT START!

I found this book to be SMOKING HOT! While most of the fantasies were not as extreme as men generally have, some of them were SO HOT and SO DOMINANT that I well, uh, well I ENJOYED reading them. That's what it was. I ENJOYED reading them yeah... I found them very educational and sometimes I ENJOY remembering reading them still...

I recall a couple of them distinctly - One was about a woman waiting for a man to come to her place and ask her to marry him. When he arrived she yelled at him for being late. She grabbed him by the ear, bent him over the back of her couch, pulled down his pants and whipped his ass raw with his own belt while he blubbered his hapless apologies to her. 

Then because he was not a proper virgin groom (proper virgin male bride?), she dragged him to the bathtub and with scalding hot water and a hard wooden kitchen brush she 'SCRUBBED ALL THOSE OTHER WOMEN RIGHT OUT OF HIS SYSTEM". She burned him with that water and scraped his skin all painfully raw with that brush. After he was reduced to a sobbing, terrified apology machine she put on his ring, took him by the ear to bed and ABUSED him AGAIN in there too!

Uh - Utterly Submissive male BOING! I mean WHERE WAS THIS WOMAN WHEN I WAS LOOKING!!?

Another was about a woman who had bought a male sex slave who had been abused and repeatedly raped with broom handles by his previous female owner and her sadistic friends. She gently restored his health by taking him to all female doctors who all had to inspect his damaged anus over and over again. She held him while he cowered and trembled in fear of them. She gently brought him back to health and settled his fears. But this was all while they both knew that she was preparing him for her own use because he was so pretty, so cute, and so helpless.

Uhhhhh - tender and just a little frightened 'schhhhhwing'!

FANTASY ALERT END!

In the West today we live in a society where men are TOLD to be in control, but it is also a world where women WANT to be in control. And to an extent both are frustrated by the reality of it all. 

I have been in a position where everyone was looking for me to lead day in and day out and make all the decisions and not only that but to come up with most of the solutions and drive their implementation as well. This went on non stop for a long period of time. Guess what? I got really tired of it.

I did a bang up job over that time frame I must say, but if that was to be my life 24/7 for the rest of my life, I would die early simply because I wanted too! I am just not that DRIVEN twenty four hours a day!

Now, put yourself in the position of a woman who has never had the reigns of command or has been sneered at or laughed at when she did take command no matter how well she did. I can imagine that she would be pretty pissed off and REALLY want to boss some people around and even take an amount of revenge out on total strangers for it. (HEY! Do you think that I could create a business where women in that position would pay to spank me, and yell at me, and make me apologize really sincerely over and over again? Uh well maybe not. But DAMN that was a sweet idea! "Oh Honey, I KNOW that you don't like to rent me out to these business women to spank me, and degrade me, but we really need the money and I do so want to buy you that new car and... OK yes Honey I'll be on time tonight in getting home! Yes I agree that you can spank me if I'm late again..." - <<Oh My! I do declare! I think I'm getting the vapors!>> )

And frankly have you ever seen a woman who gets to make fun of a man and especially her own husband? THEY LOVE IT! Usually it is all in good fun but they LOVE to make us squirm and they LOVE to make us blush and they LOVE to make us apologize. Really. The ones I know do. Oh they tone it back enough so that she doesn’t really damage the man's ego seriously, but they do it and they do it to the point of making us squirm a little. AND the guys that most women really LOVE to be around are the ones who seem to enjoy their ‘teasing’ too. (As long as he doesn’t go nuts and actually grovel. And as long as he ‘plays along’ with their games and doesn’t get angry about it. As the Buddha would say: "Seek ye the Middle Path".) 

Women LOVE to ‘tease’/ ‘play with’ guys. And the stronger and more capable the guy is the more they seem to love it! I can recall seeing JOHN WAYNE movies where this happens. He would be injured or sick or shot and Maureen O’Hara would nurse him back to health. But when he decides that he is OK to leave before he really is healthy, she bosses him around and treats him as if her were her five year old. 

Once he realizes how firm she is in her convictions and that she actually IS doing it for his own good, he smartly says “Yes Ma’am!” with a half embarrassed half ‘I am SO in LOVE” smile and she gives him the sternest (yet playful) look, then turns away just BEAMING about how she embarrassed and controlled him. YES! WOMEN LOVE TO BOSS US AROUND in the right settings. 

 

Look Pilgrim, If Mr Macho himself "John Wayne American" can be happy being Pussy Whipped So Can you! So Stop yer belly aching!

I cannot speak for female fantasies. I have never had one myself. But I would not be surprised if a LARGE number of women DREAM about being able to control one or more men and have them do as she says, without any of the sexual trappings of the whole whips and chains scene of course. This is because while women want to be in control, they also want to feel safe.

A sniveling worm will not make a woman feel safe. Would he stay with her for life? Would she want him to? Would he fight to protect her if it were needed? Would he actually sacrifice for her benefit? She can and probably should have serious doubts about all of this. Would he provide for her if the need arose and she could not? Maybe. But just as likely she is seeing him as just some kind of a weird ‘kinkster’ who would be off to the next bit of fun the minute that she was not fulfilling HIS every want and need.

So if the world is actually populated by a large percentage of men who’s every dream is about being controlled by a woman, and a large percentage of women who actually do dream about controlling men why can’t we all just get together and make each other happy?

Because as I said “I’m not so sure that the men who want female dominance want it for any more than an hour a week and then be waited on by a servile ‘little woman’.” They want the fantasy fulfillment but they don’t want to truly ‘own’ it.

And I am not so sure that the women who have powerful dreams themselves of Liberation and Empowerment really want to take on the full weight of leadership and still enjoy being the beautiful flower that her womanhood has given her as a gift. We tried the model of ‘Women Having It All’ in the 80s. What we got was a bunch of burned out women. Because ‘having it all’ meant DOING IT ALL. 

Is It 'Having It All' or 'Doing It All'?

These forty plus hour a week career women were also coming home to cook and clean every night of the week as well! And while she had changed from average 'house frau' to Wonder Woman, most of the men these women had married had not really changed much from the 1950s model. Yes the family had more money with dual full time incomes but most men were still living in the past couple of decades and didn’t feel the same urge to change things the way that she had. 

I think there is a bridge. I think that we can cross it. But it will take work, dedication, and certainly humility on our parts as men. In part 2, I will talk about what I have found to be a way to bridge that divide and find the real happiness and surrender that my soul had always yearned for.