How to Cure “Male Pattern Sassy Mouth”

If I was to single out one issue that I see “supportive” hubbies mention as the biggest problem that they have in their relationships I think that it would be “I forget my place and I sass back to my Queen” more often than anything else.

I see it all the time in other blogs. Generally, the male does something stupid and self centered (or just not slavish enough to meet some set of standards) and gets ‘put into his place’ by her and this teaches him once again that his role is to serve and to please and not to confront her.

In my own experiences this has been one of the issues that I have faced as well. It generally has come in one of three flavors.

Scenario 1 is where I am all wound up about doing something and the Queen has other plans for me. Let’s say that I have just come home and I have been thinking about doing some task when I first get home. It has filled my mind all afternoon at work and all the way home and I can’t wait to just get in there and scrub down the kitchen counters and wash the kitchen floor and start dinner. This is the most important thing in the world to me as I charge through the door all ready to be Mr. Perfect hubby and get things done to please her!

I get inside the house and almost immediately she is telling me that she has five big heavy bags of mulch in the trunk of her car and ‘thinks it would be a good idea’ if I were to carry them from the car to the garden and ‘help her’ spread them.

Like most of the ‘directions’ I receive this comes in the form of a suggestion. But upon reflecting it is obvious that it actually is an order and it would be best if I simply dropped everything and did as I was told without question and with a smile.

But being stupid, and being already being ‘would up’ about doing something else I make an excuse or snap at her that I ‘have other plans’.

Oops!

Scenario 2 is where I am lazing around on the couch with my mind totally occupied by something else and She suddenly starts talking about something completely different than what is on my mind or ‘asks’ me to do something. “Honey… can you help me on the computer?” to which I stupidly snap back: “I’m busy!” or “Can’t you do that yourself yet?” or “I’ll get it later!”

Oops!

Scenario 3 is where she starts talking to me about something totally foreign to my stream of consciousness and in my hurried state of mind I only want to get to the ‘punch line’. I brusquely offer a ‘solution’ and treat her as if her ideas/thoughts/opinions didn’t really matter.

Oops!

In many of the FLR blogs the solution often goes something like this: The second that he is rude to her or acts in a self centered fashion, she slaps him hard across the face! Then she grabs hubbies ear and twisting it painfully she drags him down the hall to the bedroom where she sits on the bed. He stands before her knowing that he must now lower his pants and present his naked and submissive rump to her across her lap. She pats her lap assertively. He crawls across it submissively.

Once in place, she whips his butt twenty to thirty times with her hair brush until his rump is on fire and tears and apologies come gushing from him like rivers. She pushes him coldly onto the floor. Then still naked, he is told to stand in the corner until she tells him to stop. While there she scolds him again and reads out a long list of difficult and degrading ‘punishment chores’ for him to ‘help get his mind right’.

YOU GO GIRL! SHOW HIM WHO IS BOSS!!!

Whew! Sounds pretty sexy to me! Sounds like a submission fantasy come true, and although it may actually happen from time to time, I am guessing that most of those blog entries are just that ‘fantasy’.

For me the reality of it is not so ‘hot’ as it is very ‘cold’. I do get snapped at and called ‘rude and thoughtless’. And unless I swallow my male pride and cave quickly and apologize completely I can get the ‘cold shoulder’ for days and maybe spend a few nights on the couch as well. And all the while I KNOW that I will have to apologize eventually anyway!

The 'Cold Shoulder'. The WORST of all possible punishments!

I have to admit that caving quickly and apologizing on the spot is pretty hot in itself! I know that I get a warm glow of humiliation about what is happening and I think she gets a jolt of dominant power through her veins at the same time which she secretly LOVES but probably would never admit to it. So maybe we SHOULD be naughty just once in a while, as it spices everything up!

Oh how she loves to hear you beg for forgiveness!

However I think it would all be best if 99% of the time we were more ‘open’ to what she had in mind, even if it does seem to come right out of the blue.

It has been a long slow process for me to learn how to ‘behave’, but I think I now understand some of the basic principles and as exciting and sexy as the fantasy spanking scenario I listed above is, I find this solution to be even deeper and in some ways more radically dominating and fulfilling than the angry spanking wife.

What I am talking about is ‘emptying your mind’ and being eager to accept any input from her that she wants to give at any time. If you will notice, in all of the bad boy scenarios that I listed above, the problem was not that she did anything that should have upset even a vanilla type of man. The problem was that I had filled my mind completely up and had no room for her input! I had committed myself to serving her and yet when she wanted something done I was ‘too busy’.

If my mind had been more quiescent and prepared for her directions I would have smiled on each occasion and said: “Yes my Queen! I’ll get right to it dear!” or I would have listened intently and appreciated that what was on her mind was important to her and that I had already committed myself to serving her because SHE was what was most important to me!

I considered naming this piece something like “Serving Her More Deeply” or “Giving Yourself Over More Deeply To Her Control” because when you think about it this is not just control of your body and outward response that you are giving to her. You are beginning the process of giving total control of your mind and with it your very soul to her to mold and use as she sees fit!

Yes Mistress! I hear and shall obey!

You are beginning to help her to totally remold you into the man she wants. So is that radical? Do you think that a modern assertive woman might enjoy having that level of control over you?” My answer to both would be an unqualified ‘yes’. In one way it goes way beyond the concept of ‘pussy whipped’ and in another it goes more completely into the arena of selfless eternal love.

As I have learned to keep myself intellectually calm, and quietly open minded I have found a deep inner peace. I do not bother getting all wound up in things that I probably couldn’t have any effect over anyway. I do not ‘have to hear’ the next stupid line on a TV show. I do not ‘have to finish’ this chapter of the book I am reading. I do not ‘have to finish’ this or that chore. I no longer want to have her hurry up and finish her thought so that I can get back to what I was doing before.

When she speaks, I basically drop everything else and listen. Women LOVE to have us listen to them! Yes, they speak more than we do and it is natural. And if you want to love and serve her this is a very natural way to do so that will REALLY please her. I mean REALLY please her!

Smart modern man listens submissively to his Queen

When I am about to enter her presence, I now make a conscious effort to see that my mind is calm and that my number one priority is to serve and please her. When I do that instead of making my number one priority to ‘get something done to please and serve her’ it makes us both happier. I may not get as much work done, but doing things was always secondary anyway. Making it about her and not about doing for her has made our lives better. 

 

Nowadays if I come home ready to clean the bathroom and she wants me to work in the garden, I say “Yes Dear” and go change my clothes to work in the garden and I do it with a contented smile. 

 

If I am watching some fascinating documentary and the final summation is being made and she starts telling me about her day at work, I tune the TV out of my mind and realize the blessing that it is to have a fine woman like her that would care enough about me to tell me all about her day. That show will be on again.

For a guy who has fantasized his entire life about being owned and controlled by a strong woman, I now get the feeling that I actually am her instrument. My mind has now made itself over to the point of being available for her to pour her thoughts, dreams, and aspirations into.

Want to submit to her and please her? Then do what SHE wants! She wants you to listen to her.

Snapping out of this submissive landscape for just a second, I must explain that this does not mean that I am her robot and have no will at all. I sometimes do disagree with her. But I always do it in a quiet and respectful manner now. I no longer interrupt her. This was a huge thing for her in the past. I listen with docility for long periods of time. Being able to talk at length and have me quietly listen has given her even more confidence and it’s great!

We long longer argue. We do discuss. Of course her word is basically law but it is rare that she needs to impose it on me. We talk and generally agree. If we don’t I obey and we move on. It’s all pretty nice, and gets better all the time. I really am living out my lifelong dreams of service and submission. They aren’t as kinky as dreams usually are, but they are deeper and more complete in the scope.

A Chastity Update

Earlier I posted a piece on my thoughts about ‘male chastity’. You can read about them by going here:

http://onbecomingasurrenderedhubby.blogspot.com/2014/02/some-thoughts-on-male-chastity.html

In it I talked about the difference between voluntary and involuntary chastity. The involuntary type would involve the man’s private parts being locked into a male chastity device which he did not have the key to. In general his wife takes control of his orgasms and only allows him out of that device of hers when she decides to. This is a way to enforce ‘good behavior’ and utter obedience to her on his part.

This is something that some of you readers have opted for and you live under your Queen’s lock and key. If that makes your lives better, then more power to you.

I found a drawing of you wearing your device with pride.

You all look so ‘Cute’!!!

For me the idea of actually locking up my cock just seems a bit too radical so I have opted for the less radical option of voluntary chastity. And I doubt that my Queen would like that other option much anyway. Also being voluntary, I can ‘enjoy’ denying myself over and over for her pleasure and that sacrifice feels good!

Although she might not like the kinky aspects of actually locking me up, something that she does seem to like is the way I behave toward her when I am ‘fully charged’. After a week or so of chastity on my part I can FEEL the difference in my own behavior toward her. I am EAGER to please her. Not just ‘eager for release’ and in fact I often resist release because I WANT to have that eager to please attitude and don’t want it to fade, especially when SHE is enjoying it.

In that spirit, I have taken the responsibility to control myself for her sake. When I have the option to be naughty and ‘cheat on her’ and yet I resist, I feel that I have in a way suffered for her sake and that is a good thing. When a man gets married he swears to ‘forsake all others’. That even means to 'forsake your fantasies' and even to ‘forsake yourself’! Don’t rob the intimacy you can build with your partner by playing with yourself and fantasizing about other women! Men need to save ALL of their maleness as a gift to lie at the altar of one true Queen!

Now be a good boy for mommy!

Well it being voluntary and a TREMENDOUS temptation means that we (er I mean “I”) slip every so often. As I said before, the AVERAGE male masturbates DAILY! (You dear read know what I am talking about…) So when you are getting on to more than a week, there is a very strong urge to give in.

When I do resist the urge I feel very good about it. I feel like I have sacrificed my own wishes in order to serve, please, and obey the true desires of my Queen. It is in a way a religious experience unto itself.

My DREAM Woman!
 

I don’t know about you but I LOVE this picture! This wonderful woman is so strong, and so loving! She guides her male through life and she remakes him into something better than what she found!

She is simply a no nonsense WOMAN! No time wasting activities!  No naughty language! AND NO masturbating! She only permits the good and proper things that a lady SHOULD expect in HER home from HER spouse!I think this is my fantasy lifestyle right here…

OK enough fantasy time. (I try to lay out a little in each entry. To keep you interested maybe?!)

When I wrote that previous piece I was doing my best to remain totally hers. I would go for a week and then if she did not ‘release me’ or if I felt that she had no interest in me for several days on end, then I would lose my focus and basically steal what belonged to her and use it for myself.

I could go for a week or two and when things were not going as I would want them too, I would declare to myself that this is my own ‘bad boy week’ and I would sneak away and drain myself over and over. These times were just like life used to be ‘before’. Just like before I had totally re-committed myself to serving and pleasing my Queen.

I drifted from week to week and wondered “Where has that ‘spark’ gone that made our lives so great for so long? Is this experiment in Wife Worship at an end like so many other things that work well but only for a while?”

I have kept a very private diary that includes my thoughts on these types of issues form day to day. Over recent weeks I went back and re-read some of the passages when I had mentioned how long it had been for me since my last release and when I was focused on having my sexuality belonging totally to serving her.

Oh the LOVE that was poured out onto those pages! Oh the devotion and thankfulness that I felt were amazing! And those pages were also filled with incidents about her loving return. She would plan romantic events and we made love frequently. (These events were always initiated by her of course! And each was pure heaven!)

I felt a little frustrated at times but if I sacrificed my own wants, my joy rose exponentially and so did hers. So I decided to ‘try again’ and to do a better job of it this time.

It did not take long before things started to improve at home! My attitude toward serving her improved. My level of service both in terms of domestic chores AND equally importantly in terms of deference when she spoke began to improve.

This is a topic I need to address separately but women want men to LISTEN to them. DO NOT interrupt her! Listen and agree! She is the Queen! When you do this, and when you learn patience your relationship will begin to blossom. She will feel VERY comfortable with you and when she is at ease, her confidence and her assertiveness will both blossom as well.

Hush Up and LISTEN to your WOMAN!

So now, basically she talks, I listen. I only interject an occasional “Yes Ma’am”. I get up immediately and do the things she ‘asks’ me to do. She smiles and feels content, powerful, and loved! She showers me with affection when I am like this and I attribute much of it to my own level of chastity.  It has built a new level of desire to please her. If you have not tried it and if you are going around sexually drained all of the time because you are ‘doing yourself’ constantly try this. You could be amazed at the result.

So now I am embarking on this new level of chastity. I intend to make sure that she has control of my sexuality. I will as I have been doing, give her as much pleasure as she wants in any way, shape, or form, and at any time she wants it!

I have told her that I am there to serve her wants and needs, and while it has taken time for her to really accept that, she has begun to enjoy the power and control that this gives to her. If she feels in the least bit randy, she lets me know and I perform. She has no fear of rejection which can be such a big issue for a woman.

I do not beg or whine. But I do hug and hold and always act gently and in a romantic fashion toward her. This lets her know that I am ready for the taking. Although she can basically ‘have me when she wants me’ and she now knows that, it is good for her to feel wanted and not just that I am some sort of breathing sex toy.

Being ‘fully charged’ keeps me on edge and even at times when I am tired or have given up on the idea for the time being, if she lets me know that she is in the mood I can switch it back on at any time. And this has really gotten her excited.

I only release when I know that she wants me too. This usually happens when she is totally satisfied and sexually exhausted. At those times she may choose to mount me and in her own subtle way let me know that she is ‘giving me my little treat’ as she will not be requiring my services for a couple of days afterward.

Generally, we live with a four or five to one ratio of her pleasure to mine. I stay on edge and she stays satisfied almost all the time.

There are difficult times, and I know that I will slip up again. But I think part of the problem is when you are not totally committed to your regimen then you can make up excuses to be selfish. I know when I was doing this earlier and I felt that she had no interest in me at the time that I felt free to think “Damn it! Why should I wait? Nothing will happen!” Then that excuse would lead to indulgence and that indulgence would lead to draining me of the energy that could have turned the situation around. A vicious cycle had begun.

Now I identify the long term nature of my denial and think on the long term benefits of it.

With that in mind I identify the ‘trouble times’ and do my best to be steeled for the temptation. Being in bed alone is the big one! Since I usually go to bed before her this is when trouble makes itself available. There is also the shower. Years ago I used to hear about guys doing it in the shower but I never understood until now. When I was basically self –drained all the time well I was not so excited while washing. But now, after 10 to 15 days of no release if I am washing myself OH MY that soap and shampoo are seductive! And after that amount of time your fantasy life jumps up into your mind so quickly and so vividly too! So be careful there.

Do not play with the Queen’s toys without the Queen's permission!

The other most troubling time is when she simply ‘leaves you home alone’. You get bored, you surf the internet for porn (mostly Femdom porn. I know you. You know me.) Or you decide to ‘take a nap’. Don’t do it! Keep yourself busy or constantly remind yourself of the real benefits. Have you ever ‘done yourself’ while she was out only to have her come home in a romantic mood, and there you are spent and can do nothing for her? That can be SO embarrassing and so disappointing for everyone. You making excuses about being tired or busy or something and SHE feeling rejected, because you DID reject her and dreamed of someone or something else while she was gone.

So realize when a tempting time is coming and resolve to see it through before you enter it. That will help you to stay focused!

In conclusion I have to say that to me as a man who has always dreamed of serving and pleasing a woman, this is paradise! I suffer FOR her. Then I please her. She feels confident and powerful, and I feel loved and guided. I feel so blessed in my current situation that it is hard to describe.