Introduction Part 2

So I began to transform myself from self centered lazy husband to a more decent and supportive guy. 

I did part of the housework. I did a number of longer term “dude projects” like sanding and staining the cabinets and working with the bushes and painting and fixing. Things that she had wanted me to do for a long time but I ‘never got around to’ doing. What had sat for years, all got done in a few weeks. During this time I increased my housework quotient as well. I was a boundless bundle of energy and the house started to look pretty darned good!

A Classic "Dude" Project

My wife LOVED IT. I overheard her telling one of her girl friends on a Sunday evening that she had just had the best weekend! She had gone to work both days but her husband had been home cleaning the house both days! It made me proud. I mean if she says that going to work for both days of a weekend (she does this once a month - and gets other days off later...) and just having me doing housework is her dream weekend, well that's a pretty powerful message that I am finally on the right track here!

During this time I began to read a lot of “How to be a Better Husband.” and “How to be More Romantic” type of articles. They gave me a lot of great tips.

I learned about “The Five Languages of Love”. What a kool idea! Each of us responds in a different mix to the five basic ways that affection is shown. Some people really want to spend  Quality Time with  their Significant Other (SO), while others are happiest when Receiving Gifts, Getting Words of Affection, Experiencing Physical Touch, Or and this was the big one for me performing Acts of Service. I realized that my wife CRAVED the respect and dedication that would be shown if I dedicated my time and efforts to serving her through “Acts of Service”. Basically this meant housework. 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Here we see a REAL man loving his wife through Acts of Service

She had always been angry when the house was a mess and even though it was the kids who made it like that it was me she yelled at and showed all her displeasure toward. I had tried romancing her and buying her gifts for years and she always rejected them and told me point blank “If you want to romance me clean the house!” I never heard what was being yelled directly at me. So now I finally began to understand that the key to my woman’s heart and all the treasures within could be unlocked by me washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and sweeping the floors? It didn't sound very romantic but hmm...

I thought on this.

She was happier but she was still pretty apprehensive that this was temporary or some crazy fantasy thing. And I have to admit that it partly was at first. I have always been attracted to strong forceful women. My fantasy life typically runs along female dominant themes and some of that did spill over into this exercise. I was new at all this. I sometimes went too far too fast after all this time. 

Once or twice she seemed a little "creeped out" by me and I backed off. I knew that she thought this was all some kind of creepy female domination "Scene" I was playing out in real time. Ok, disgusting and guilty me, yes part of it was and I felt real shame. I asked her honestly: “Do you just want me to go back to the way I was?” I always got an emphatic “OH NO! This is WAY better!” So I continued. But I had to learn to temper my enthusiasm at times. 

This was ALL very new to both of us now. I WAS partly living out my submission fantasies, but as long as I kept it 'respectable' she was not just putting up with it, she was really starting to love it too! She was enjoying the love that was spewing forth AND I think she really liked not having to do so much dreadful housework at the same time.

No Honey, I NEVER want you to back to how it was before. Now do the dishes and clean the kitchen like a good boy!

Trust me, it took time and it took effort. But luckily she was happier than before so I got some leeway in screwing things up. Sometimes she would just shake her head and laugh at me. It was embarrassing but like I said “She was happier” and that was what mattered.