The Art of "Gifting"

After enforced chastity, one of the other cornerstones (at least as I read the literature) of a Female Led relationship (FLR) is that She must have total financial control of the marriage. The man needs to have his paychecks direct deposited into an account that only she has access to! She takes TOTAL control of their money and he lives on an allowance that she can set for him. Basically he has enough money to get gas and drive back and forth to work. She may give him enough money to go grocery shopping but when he does, he gives her all the change and accounts for every penny in the receipt.

Money is A Source of Her Power and Her Fun!!

This is another level of her having complete control of his life. He certainly isn’t going to be going out for drinks with the boys and coming home at all hours of the night. Nor is he going to be wasting the family’s money on a new jet-ski or flat screen TV without her permission.

hubby is reduced to a waif in his own home

I can see how she might enjoy having the power of having every penny in her pocket and making him beg for anything other than the most basic things, especially if she had a playfully cruel streak in her. And I have to admit that having HER micro managing my every thought, breath, and deed has been a fantasy that I have entertained more than once. But again, this is at least to me, fantasy. I cannot imagine either of us enjoying that level of control for very long. She would get tired of my begging and while the powerlessness and humiliation may seem a turn on, it would become painful and degrading in reality. So while this might work for some couples, and maybe it is the only thing that works when the marriage is in such bad shape that extreme measures need to be taken, I just don’t think it would work for me or most other couples in the real world.

Please, Please, Please, Please... (Well this DOES look fun!)

Like his chastity, his earnings are something normally placed under a man’s control. It is not there to be abused but to be used properly. And like chastity there are many temptations to abuse this gift and use it selfishly and destroy its true value in the relationship. For me, I find both of these items to be opportunities to channel my love for my Queen. My chastity is my God ordained gift to Her. My sexual energy is almost boundless if channeled properly and we are both very happy in my self-denial. When it is time, she receives all that I am. I lay my offering before Her as a worshiper would before his very Creatrix. When it is not time I am reminded that any small amount of suffering that I do now I do in her service, and that is what should truly matter to me. With money I am pretty frugal. I buy what we need and am not extravagant in most cases. There are two exceptions to my rule of frugality. 

1 ) I dress well. I find it important to look attractive if part of your role is to be the arm candy of your Queen. If you want to please her, do your best to be something that she would actually want! I will have another post on mens' clothing in the coming days. (This all goes with Rule One – Be a manly man, towards the outside world that any woman would be proud to have. Dressing well is part of this big one!)

2 ) I look for ways to glorify her and show my love for her through gift giving. I do not scrimp on gifts. I give lavishly. I buy her things of quality and present them as one gives gifts to one’s Queen.

Now one must always consider their financial condition before doing these things and the response should be appropriate, but the art of giving involves sacrificing the wants and needs of the giver in order to show a level of love and devotion to the receiver that should touch her heart. Gift Giving is one of the Five Languages of Love.

Take the 5 languages quiz yourself, then show it to your significant other:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

My advice to you before you go off and buy her a new Bentley, a diamond tiara, and a sable coat is to consider your own financial position as a couple. Do you have funds set aside for a rainy day? Are you on track with your retirement savings? Are you actively saving for some big project? If these things are on track, it will give her a feeling of financial security and I have to emphasize that a feeling of financial security will trump any fancy present you can give her! A sense of financial security is VERY HIGH on most any woman’s list of things she seeks in a man or a relationship. So make certain that your ducks are in a row first!

A Full Length Russian Sable Coat - YUM!

There was a time when my Queen would actually become angry with me for buying her romantic gifts! The time was not right and I had not ‘earned the privilege’ to buy her romantic gifts yet! The greatest gift that she wanted was a man to do the housework! She wanted her home under control, neat and clutter free and not having to do it herself. I gave her that gift. I am an imperfect house keeper and since I work 40 hours a week as does she, the house is not immaculate. Nor am I the most efficient at the tasks I do. But the point is that I put forward the effort as a GIFT to her. Now that the housework is under control, she is more relaxed and feels more loved. Yes I am speaking in the Language of Doing Chores for her. Service is the language she wants to hear the most. Doing this also has freed her spirit up to enjoy her second language and that is gift giving. 

In Their Proper Respective Places

I buy her clothes. I buy her jewelry. I send her flowers at work. (This one goes over well as she gets to show off in front of her co-workers! She is always really happy if the other ladies are just a little bit jealous…) I take her out to eat in good restaurants. I take her to the best concerts and plays. I whisk her out of town for romantic weekends at least every three months. I take care of all the details and make certain that the evening or weekend is all about her. I make sure that there is no reason that she should NOT feel like the Queen! I tell her that she is my Queen and I show her that she is my Queen.

Majesty, I beg Thee accept my humble gift...

And finally, a word on “Gifting Opportunities”.

If you think about it, you can find little gifts and little reasons for giving her things all the time. When I grocery shop, I always buy a bouquet of fresh flowers each week. I cut them and put them on the table. They add color and warmth to any room. She always smiles when she sees new flowers. Most men will waste this opportunity to please. I stop and get a bottle of wine for no reason and bring it home. I do the same with ice cream or baking. When she is away and I am home, she often comes home to a cake or pan of brownies. It makes her homecoming more pleasant and comfortable. (Oh here is an aside to any guy out there who is still looking for that special someone. “Make sure your home or apartment is neat and clean, and always have both wine and a nice quality of ice cream in your fridge! MOST WOMEN LOVE WINE and they also LOVE ICE CREAM! If you have both on hand and the place is neat and comfortable, when she visits she will feel very at ease and quite happy. Simple trick, never forget it! Oh and keep doing it FOREVER once you are married too!)

Any tiny gift that had thought put behind it can make a nice impression. She wants to know how important she is to you and how much time you spend thinking about her. 

Those are the every day gifts. There are also the High Holy Days of Woman Gifting! Most men have trouble remembering the basics on these days, don’t be average! The standard dates where you the luckily owned male get to celebrate her greatness are 1 ) Her Birthday, 2 ) Christmas, 3 ) Valentine’s Day, 4 ) Your Anniversary, and 5 ) Mother’s Day. These can be the GREATEST days of your entire year if you do them right! Plan ahead. Think ahead. Get her something special and personal. KNOW HER. Know what she likes! Always know her clothing sizes and tastes. If you get her thoughtful gifts, take her out to eat (or cook something special for her), do extra things for her (sometimes we call them chores), and get her a romantic or even a funny card – you sir will be on your way to domestic bliss!

Gifts!!! Appropriate For All Goddesses!

Now those are the OFFICIAL High Holy Days. Now the TRULY Surrendered hubby will be inventive and CREATE MORE Woman Worshiping Days on his calendar! This is something that I have done and am constantly on the lookout for new opportunities as well. Since My Queen was born quite close to Christmas, as a child she never got the kind of attention that she should have on her birthday. Therefore I have instituted the “Half Birthday” celebration in mid-summer. A gift, a card, a dinner, a massage, you name it! This is a new chance to adore the Queen! And trust me, she brags about it at work! I have been asked about this from her co-workers when she was present. I get a very warm glow in my cheeks when something like that happens. It is always a little bit embarrassing, but it shows HER and all the ladies she knows that she has a VERY eager to please hubby! And trust me Women even if they laugh at first, LIKE that!

I also dug through my memory banks and scoured the internet to discover the actual date of our first date! Now THAT has become a High Holy Day to celebrate my good fortune in coming under her loving authority as well! As I have gotten into my role of celebrator of all things 'HER', we have begun to set aside the date of October 25^th each year to watch a DVD of Shakespeare’s Henry V. We just happen to like that play and Oct 25^th is the anniversary of St. Crispin’s Day and the date the great battle in the play takes place. St. Crispin it turns out was the patron Saint of cobblers. Therefore, I now present my Queen with a new pair of shoes each October 25^th. You see? Be inventive and create little holidays to celebrate how wonderful it is to be hers. She will enjoy it and you will be MORE than amply rewarded for your efforts.

Good boy!

Some Thoughts on Male Chastity

If you pay any attention to the Female Led Relationship (FLR) literature, you will see that a major foundational stone is enforced male chastity. In general, the submissive male gives up all control of his orgasms to his wife. She locks his package away and keeps the key! She does not let his "winkie stick" out until he has pleased her at some level and totally on her terms. This can be anything she likes but most of it revolves around him doing the housework, keeping a sweet and docile demeanor toward her and her friends, and pleasuring her as she likes it.

Male chastity devices.

For a long time I did not understand the need for such extreme measures. I mean I was and still am very eager to serve and please Her Ladyship. She is the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars as far as I can tell. I am only too happy to beat her to doing housework chores before she has to raise a finger. I struggle to ALWAYS be docile and pleasing in demeanor to her, and her pleasure? Well that is HEAVEN to me! I am always ready to please and serve her wants.

So what was with this chastity bit?

It put me off as being way too kinky. I mean if this is the bottom line, then the man is only doing things to get ‘his little treat’ and not out of a wellspring of love for her after all. He is living for the occasional ‘treat’ where he can ‘jerk off’ and who would want to deal with someone who was always begging for that?

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND!!!!

I will admit that I have never been ‘locked up’, but I have tried voluntary chastity on and off for some time now. The longest I have gone was twenty one days on my own. When I did that I came to realize that it is not just the desperate need to orgasm that is in question here, but that your entire demeanor changes. Everything about me became more ‘eager to please’ my Lady. I would rush to be near her. I would jump to open doors and carry packages. I was FILLED with a desire to please and serve her. 

Frankly I love going shopping with her and carrying her bags!

Unfortunately, I found that I was also FILLED with the desire to please EVERY Woman! Ha ha ha! I felt romantic toward any and every female that I saw! I TRULY felt that I was surrounded by a Supreme Race Of Perfect Goddesses that I was created only to serve and worship. It was insane. I recall sitting at a restaurant with my Bride and my whole family when the next table over had a group of about eight ladies just out for the evening together. My mind would not stop racing back and forth from adoring my Queen and telling her how wonderful she was, to the thought of going over to that other table and asking if I might serve them in some way. I wanted to straighten their napkins or shine their shoes or some other ridiculously submissive act of adoration that I am sure they would have all laughed at. Luckily I had enough control to stay with Mistress and ‘be good’. 

Oh Divine Ladies! May i PLEASE Be Your Foot Servant!?

Oh while I had zero orgasms in that time, I think Mistress must have had AT LEAST one every day and more on other days while being on top of me. Her pleasure taking was delightful!

So having done this little ‘experiment’, I can see the benefits of male chastity. Since then I have continued on and off to remain chaste in order to please her better. 

I have read that the average man will masturbate daily. This keeps his ‘charge up’ very low and it is no wonder that their wives are not satisfied. I am ashamed to admit that there was a time when I was very average. But there it is. I did and I was. It is not just that you can’t “get it up” when she wants it, it is that your demeanor is lazy, surly, and uncaring. These are the definition of the disappointing husband. And I would guess that most of those “disappointing husbands” are 'doing' themselves more than they are 'doing' their wives. It is basically a childish act of selfishness.

Marriage is a union of one to another and in your vows you pledge to forsake “all others” for her sake. That I believe includes yourself! Spending your love making energy on yourself is cheating on your wife, plain and simple. So while I am a ‘work in progress’ I have come a long way toward casting this practice off. I have never said anything to her about it, but when I am chaste for days on end, she enjoys the attention. She enjoys my level of tenderness and how much I get done around the house in order to please her. She enjoys my gentle and loving demeanor toward her as well.

The Right Balance And The Happy Domestic Life!

In general I try to keep myself pure for her throughout the week. On the weekend if Her pleasure taking calls for my release as well, and it is something I have had to learn to read, I will lay my gift upon Her Altar. Otherwise I keep it to myself. Even when she takes me, I generally only want HER to enjoy the experience physically via release. If I do that, I stay totally charged for the next day and she can blush and laugh at how ‘insatiable’ I am for her but I know that she finds it very flattering. 

This is a big part of the third aspect of being a “Trophy Husband” that I discussed in my last post. She remains totally sated, while I deny myself for her sake and remain her insatiable yet loyal male nymphomaniac. 

If you have not tried it yet, do so. Refuse yourself for one week. While you become more and more energetic and romantically inclined to serve her and please her. I really think that this is marriage the way God intended it to be. Sacrifice your wants and desires, to serve the one most important to you constantly.

What's In A Name?

I have spent the first three entries defining what a “Surrendered Husband” is, and what it means. But I must tell you that the name of this blog was not an easy choice because while I have considered myself to be totally surrendered to the one who is my Queen, I seriously considered calling it "How to Become a Stepford Husband” or “How to Become a Trophy Husband” as well.

All three of these names both reflect a truth and a falsehood. I just don’t have a great name for the condition I am in and the direction in which I am moving. It does not seem to fit well in any predefined pattern yet. As I have described earlier I am not much of a hard core believer in the currently defined concept of a “Female Led Relationship” (FLR). Even though what my Queen says, goes! We rarely disagree and when we do it is up to me to find a way to swallow my pride and apologize to her and then make it up to her in some fashion and that’s fine. She is the Queen of the manor but she rarely “manages” me. She might like other wives do, tell me about some job that she would like for me to perform or some behavior that she would like for me to change. But she does not spend a lot of time ‘ruling’. It is just accepted that She is the superior creature and that I was put on the Earth to figure out how best to please and serve her.

“Surrendered Husband” – Sounds like it is all bondage and domination. While she is clearly the boss and I clearly submit myself to serving her, this is not about dog collars and fanny paddlings.

“Stepford Husband” – Now this is a concept that I have fantasized about since forever. But it is just that. If the idea of her managing me seemed a bit much in reality, imagine having her actually controlling my brain so that only happy thoughts of service and pleasure giving toward her would ever surface in it! The clean and perfect concept of being the 100% pleasing mate that does nothing but serve and please is very captivating. But again it is far from reality.

That leaves me with the concept I most identify with and that is being her “Trophy Husband”. Problems with this name are associated with the negatives one associates with “Trophy Wives” of course. Being attractively ornamental and sexually pleasing would be great! But there is also the thought that the husband of a “Trophy Wife” couldn’t care less about her as a person and the “Trophy Wife” is really just a gold digger. In fact the whole concept is rife with the thought of very shallow and materialistic people being involved. I would certainly not enjoy being married to someone who actually did treat me like a possession. Nor could I sit back and demand money or services for myself, as a gold digger.  I want to do “My Fair Share and well, HER fair share as well!”

But if we really play with the concept of a “Trophy Husband” I think that maybe we can come close to a definition of the “Ideal male mate” in a world where Women are not only respected but revered for truly being the semi-divine creatures that they are. 

I have come up with three general areas where the “Trophy Husband” could excel in being what a woman would want.

1)      He is someone that she would want to show off and brag about to her girl friends! Like a “Trophy Wife”, a “Trophy Husband” helps to glorify his wife by being in this case very manly to the outside world. Sorry FLR sissies and cross dressers, he is not one of you. At least not in public!

A ) He goes to work and has earned the respect of the community as well as the individuals he comes in contact with.

B ) He is both physically and emotionally strong, but uses his strength to protect the weak. He is ferocious when it comes to protecting women and children. He looks like a man and acts like a man. Chivalry is his code of conduct.

C ) He keeps himself well groomed and sharply dressed. It has been said that a ‘well fitted suit is to women what lingerie is to men’. I can vouch for that. When I dress well in a good quality suit or a nice sport coat and tie, I get ‘the look’. I do not generally get ‘the look’ when I am in jeans or khakis like everyone else. Yes, women look me over like I am a tasty treat, in the same way that men have always looked over women. I consider it a great honor to get ‘the look’ and usually smile softly and nod in appreciation. 

If you want to serve and please a woman, be a man!

2)      He is not a lazy gold digger. When this manly ‘hunk’ gets home from work, he almost immediately dons an apron and gets busy doing housework! He has taken ownership of this area of their lives. If she chips in and helps him out, he thanks her but tells her softly that it was not necessary. He always keeps a chipper attitude about it no matter how boring and dull it can get. As the work gets dull and dirty he keeps in mind that he is doing it so that she does not have to! Any suffering done on his part here he can count as joy in that she has this burden lifted from her.

He fills his mind with thoughts of her happiness. He cooks her dinner, serves it to her, and cleans up afterward so that she can pursue her own interests. He was born to serve and he understands that this is a small price to pay to live in the presence of and under the loving guidance of a living breathing goddess. 

Oh Honey, I simply LOVE this new apron! Wherever did you find it?

3)      He is regularly what the ladies call ‘romantic’. This can also thought of as being her 'eager bedroom slave'! On a regular basis he does his best to woo her so that he may serve and please her. He does not do this for his own pleasure. Oh No! He does it to please her! He does this while knowing that he is never to demand, and if she is not in the mood he does not whine, complain, or beg. 

He respects HER choices in these things always. He smiles and quietly takes it like a man knowing well and good that in the long run by totally committing his life to pleasing her in any way, shape, form, or frequency that he can, he will enjoy the most satisfying sexual relation that any man could ever dream of! Oh she will take him and take him plenty when SHE is in the mood. It is his job to get her in the mood without being a pest about it!

I love you. I adore you. I love for you...

He is to be basically manly arm candy in public, a happy butler at home, and an eager, loyal male nymphomaniac in bed. He is totally insatiable for the feel of HER pleasure.

I will expand on all of these areas in future posts…

A Female Led Relationship?

In the first two installments I have gone from a lazy “whatever” kind of hubby to one who is happiest when making his wife happy. I have taken over most of the housework and for whatever reason we are both happier in our own lives and with each other than ever before.

Now as I continued, I kept reading and exploring.

I found some websites dedicated to something called Female Led Relationships (FLR). This fascinated me. I dove in and read a bunch of stuff. I needed to digest much of it before I made any decisions. I basically read all of the posts in a blog called “Worshiping Your Wife” and even registered and became an active participant in a discussion board called “At Her Feet”.

It took me a while but eventually I started to sort a few things out for myself doing a synthesis of what I already knew and what I was hearing from others. Much of what I read only fueled my inner fire to serve and please my wife more. Much of what I read made sense to me.

1)      We live in a world where men are told to lead but women WANT to lead

2)      While men are clever, women are wise and have the best grasp on what is truly in the best interests of everyone in the family. 

3)      A couple where the man concentrates on the wishes of the woman is generally the happiest and those couples have GREAT sex lives as well as just happier overall lives together

4)      Etc…

If you do the house work you will free your lady to do more important things.

But there were other items in there that were oriented totally towards a kinky lifestyle that I read and processed. Eventually I rejected the following:

1)      The woman should lock her husband’s cock away in a male chastity device and keep the key herself, allowing him only occasional orgasms when he has been a ‘good obedient boy’ for her

2)      The woman should never do ANY housework and should inspect the man’s chores and physically punish him and humiliate him when they are not up to her standards

3)      The woman should be given 100% control over all the money and only give her hubby a tiny allowance

4)      The woman should have 100% sexual freedom while the male remains basically her chastity maid and her slave and the man should even support his wife’s sexual adventuring

5)      Etc…

Please Please Control me Mistress! Please!

The last one was where I really drew the line. While I am happy to live in a home where the sex roles are reversed from traditional ones, even under the worst of circumstances men always pledged fidelity to their wives even when they were treating them like chattel. I shall have more on most of these topics in later entries.

I came to understand despite what I had thought early on, that I did not want an FLR – not in the sense of what I had read about. I did not want to come to my wife and cry and tell her that I wanted to be her slave. I didn’t want to sign a contract pledging to give up everything in order to become her maid and promise to be spanked when I was naughty. This stuff was just too much.

Naughty hubbies Are Spanked hubbies!

But I DID want to serve and please her. I DID want to do the lion‘s share of that housework. I DID want to treat her like the Queen she was in my heart.

That was when I came up with the concept of being a ‘Surrendered Husband’. 

Not only would I take on the “burden” of being the servant, I would take on the “burden” of leadership as well. I was to be the “Anticipatory Husband”. I would think ahead and deal with things before they became issues for her. I would clean and fix things before she even noticed that they were dirty or broken. I would provide her things she liked before she ever had to ask for them. THIS to me was a much better way to serve than as a beaten and whipped slave! I also knew that it was more of what SHE would want too. I mean who would want to have to micro-manage everything if instead you could simply forget about it and things would be done and done right for you?

I can’t imagine many women being happy with her husband coming to her begging to be her slave. Some probably would, but not many.

The image of the Queen’s Knight has been used before and I think it apt. He is strong and independent. But he is ever tied to true service to her Majesty. Everything he does, he does for her.

I dub thee My Personal Knight and thy life will ever more be dedicated solely to serving and pleasing thy Queen!

This should truly please the Queen! I shall serve her! I shall retain control of my own money but only use it to please her! I shall retain control of my sex organ and only use it to please her! I shall DO the housework to please her and help her feel the love inside me for her. As well as freeing her from mundane tasks of course.

That was it! My will was to be surrendered to hers! I was to become her Surrendered Husband!