Say it loud! “I’m Pussy Whipped and I’m Proud!!!”

Imagine a parade of attractive, well built, well dressed men marching down the street smiling. They are carrying signs, waving feather dusters and brand new toilet brushes in the air while wearing big ruffled aprons. They are all chanting in unison: “Say it loud! I’m Pussy Whipped and I’m proud!”! Their wives and girlfriends watch proudly and maybe more than a bit smugly as their males proclaim the unbounded joy they feel in serving and obeying them!

OK, back from fantasy land. Sounds kind of fun but, that is not going to happen. What does this phrase really mean, to be “Pussy Whipped”?

Here is the ultimate 'Pussy Whipped" image today:

Humiliating? Yes, but it also kind of turns me on...

Why do these images strike a positive chord with so many of us? Surely they are only for fantasy land. If we lived them out in our real lives they would be humiliating to say the least! Yet there is that strong pull to live under the complete and absolute rule of a good woman! If it were not so, would the internet still be filled with images of female dominance?

There is a real dichotomy between our fantasy lives and our real lives. If we are too stoic and stern demanding respect and obedience from our women it will basically drive almost all of them away and we will be alone. We will find ourselves ‘alone with our principals’! Ha! No thanks. Besides I would never enjoy living that lie of complete patriarchy and I don’t know if anyone who does still practice it enjoys it either, from either side.

But if we are too pliant and too eager to please our females, other males will put us down and make fun of us for the doormats we have become, The women we are courting will often lose interest in us and we will be left alone again. Or will they? I think it depends on how we approach this biggest of issues for us.

Are we looking to be humiliated and punished and controlled? Or are we actually looking to please and serve a woman or women in general?  I think that if you pursue that first option, your needs can only be met by a professional dominatrix, and not a wife. Well not a wife who actually cares about you and wants to stay with you.

But if we approach this issue from what SHE wants and needs, I think that we will find a) that it takes a lot of patience and understanding on our parts and that we generally will have a lot to learn in doing it right! We will also find b) that our needs in serving her needs will be far closer to being met than we could imagine it any other way.

A truly Pussy Whipped man is NEVER left wanting for Female Company...

I think that this saying sums up a lot of my philosophy. “A truly pussy whipped man is never left wanting for female company...” In other words, if you dedicate your life to actually serving and pleasing women, then women who want to be served and pleased will find you and even fight over possession of you! Oh yum! And again I am not talking about begging to be beaten or ill treated here. I mean that you fulfill her actual wants and needs. 

In order to do that I need to go back over some of the other lessons talked about earlier. Few women want a total doormat for a man. They might LOVE having an attentive man who romances her without ceasing and simply does the housework without comment, but they don’t really want a sissy or a slave. 

Happiness is knowing your place!

They want someone who can be strong for them when they need that. And this is an important point. We all need a certain amount of security in our lives and women often look for physical, emotional, and financial ‘protection’ if you will from their man. If you can figure out what her real needs are, fulfill them for her. Then if you can figure out what her wants are, do them for her! Some women want financial and/or physical security. Some women want emotional security. Everyone wants SOMETHING out of their biggest relationship. Find out what she wants and provide it! Or if that need of hers is not something you want to spend your life fulfilling, maybe you should honestly assess your relationship and find someone who needs what you are happy to provide.

Men need to spend the early part of their lives finding out who they are and what they can offer. They also need to find a woman they can connect with and this is a big point, and one that that they can trust! Giving EVERYTHING to another person is a pretty big gift and it’s a bit of a gamble. If you find the right person, then you can both be very happy. If you find the wrong person she may not give a damn about you and just see you as a fool to drain dry and discard. It has happened to more than one eager to please male! In fact it has probably happened to most of us who are reading this at some point.

So don’t rush into the big commitment. Learn about her. Let her learn about you. Practice serving her and giving to her. Give her your time and attention. Help out around her place. Give her little gifts, etc. When the time comes, and you beg her to marry you and take you forever make sure that you are both ready. Then dive in.

For me, the fine line that I walk is that I am 100% masculine in public and I romance my wife. I take care of things. I go to work. I step between her and any possible trouble to always be sure that I am the one closer to harm than she is. I take care of all the little details that I can to insure that she does not have to. But on the other side of the coin, I simply handle the housework and I do it with a smile. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I polish her shoes and make certain that everything is in good order without comment. And I always (often jokingly) defer to her authority. When the opportunity comes up I will say something like “Oh I would never question you! You are the Woman in this house!” or “You are the Queen! Your word is law!” I keep it light with a small chuckle but she usually responds with a wry smile that says both “You are so funny pretending to be afraid of little old me.” But also “Hey you are pretty smart for a guy! We women ARE in charge and I’m glad that you acknowledge it!”

So what about this phrase “Pussy Whipped”? First off, I wish there were a gentler and more positive term for this state. I have heard the term ‘uxorious’ in connection with a man who is totally dedicated to serving and pleasing his woman. But even that one is defined as ‘a man who loves his wife too much’. Is that possible? We have no terms for a women who loves her man too much!

I have also heard the phrase “He is a real gentleman.” I kind of like that and I suppose that it does speak more to where we are today. A gentleman certainly puts ladies first and is very chivalrous and in today’s climate I think it DOES show a certain amount of him being enthralled to the marvelous creatures that we know as women.

But if anyone out there has a better term let me know.

The PW term is generally used only by guys to put other guys down. “Oh Ted’s so Pussy Whipped that he won’t go hangout with the guys on the weekend. He’d rather go shopping with that new bitch of his!” I really hate this pejorative use. (And I sure hate that nasty fake macho term for women!)  Both are usually used by guys who have no clue of what makes a woman tick and probably live by themselves under a mountain of empty beer cans and old pizza boxes. No Thanks.

To me this ill defined state of being ‘pussy whipped’ is one of the most wonderful and complete states a man can enter! It is total love and devotion! You are with her and she is happy! Of course there is the other side of the coin if you picked badly or have no idea how to make a woman happy. One of these greedy self centered women may in fact be using you like the fool you are and giving nothing in return. We should expect nothing when we give, but if it is a one way street and she is constantly wounding your heart, then move on. This is not working.

If however you are simply doing for her and she is giving affection and devotion in return, then the ‘pussy whipped’ condition is like heaven on earth! You give and give and she smiles and enjoys! She usually finds ways to express her happiness with you and you just know.

Don't listen to losers. Be who you were meant to be! Serve and Adore your Woman!

Last Valentine’s Day a couple of divorced guys in our department were trying to act tough with the rest of us who are all married. “You want to know what I am going to do tonight? Whatever I want!” then they laughed.  I just smiled and nodded. “OK!” While I knew that I had already bought two dozen red roses to be delivered to her office. Oh how women love to be able to show off like that in front of other women! I was going to go home and give her a gift that I had bought her then dress up and go out to dinner in a nice restaurant. After that I would take the woman whom I have dedicated my life to serving and pleasing out to see a live play. I would end up spending quite a bit of money on her. I would do things most "guys" wouldn't choose to do on their own, and it would make her happy and content that I loved her. Whatever happened after that she would decide and I would accept happily even thankfully and it was EXACTLY what I wanted to do.

So if you have found the woman you will serve and you are both enjoying your relationship then enjoy it. Be proud of it. If some knucklehead wants to make you feel bad that you have found what makes you happy, just laugh it off and keep going. Frankly I wouldn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day, and I sure wouldn’t want to give up on a lifestyle that makes my Queen happy for anything!

Some Thoughts on Chivalry

We have often heard it said that “Chivalry is dead.” Numerous examples have been offered to prove this idea.

Firstly, what is ‘chivalry’? Chivalry was a code of conduct developed for knights in the middle ages. It mostly included rules of conduct during warfare, but it also restricted the knights from doing dastardly things to civilians and especially to women and children.

The Chivalrous Knight Protects, Serves, And Reveres Women

Here is the oath that is attributed to King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table: "Never do outrage nor murder, and always flee treason; also, by no means to be cruel, but to give mercy unto him that asketh mercy, upon pain of forfeiture of their worship and lordship of King Arthur forevermore; and always to do ladies, damsels, and gentlewomen succor, upon pain of death. Also, that no man do battle in a wrongful quarrel for no law, nor for the world's goods."

They swore their allegiance and sacred honor to living as powerful forces for good in the world, and protectors of the weak. These sound like pretty good guidelines for masculine living to me. They fall comfortably into my “Rule #1” to live as a manly man and I think that most of our ladies would also approve.

The Modern Male Has Much To Learn From His Predecessors

In common usage the definition has changed over time and today appears to stand solely for male conduct around ladies. Some of the rules we consider chivalrous today would include: Gentlemen should hold doors for ladies. Gentlemen should rise when a lady enters a room. Gentlemen should pull out a ladies chair. Gentlemen should never allow another man to strike or belittle a lady. Gentlemen should always give up their seat if a lady is standing. Etc.

The foundation of chivalry has always one of male strength and ability. That strength is a God given gift to us that we may do good work with it. It is not to be abused. Men who abuse their strength are generally to be considered failures as men. Those who would lie, steal, cheat, bully, and abuse women are truly only hideous imitations of true masculinity. Consider the pimp for a minute. He gives off every indication to the outside world of his masculinity, and yet while he is able to abuse the women who “work” for him, his own masculinity becomes so outlandish as to become a parody of what a real man is. Instead of being strong enough to defend the weak, he is so weak inside that he must abuse the weak in order to make himself appear strong.

So since we have the God given gift of strength, we need to use it to protect women, children, and the elderly. It is our role as men.

So why then, is chivalry considered to be “dead”? It seems like a pretty straight forward set of guidelines that any man should aspire to. Be a force for good and not evil. Protect the weak. Be respectful. Remain humble. Show reverence for the ladies. By going out of our ways to serve ladies instead of demanding the reverse we show that our power is being used properly. We publicly show that we will protect and respect women instead of ignoring them or demanding that they serve us.

I think much of it comes from a societal push back and a series of misunderstandings. Again I will state that the foundation of chivalry has always one of male strength and ability. Actions we would consider to be chivalrous, like say opening a car door for a lady, have been considered by some to actually be abusive or belittling! I have always enjoyed holding doors for ladies. Some women just ignore you and stroll on by as if it were their natural right to be waited upon (which basically it is…). 

Most women (of all ages I have found) will smile, or nod, or say thank you. Doing little things for that majority of women is something that I really enjoy, and I find that making a lady feel respected and happy is more than compensation for my efforts. To these ladies and I do find that it is most of them, and I do mean from ages four through ninety-four, I think that they enjoy the attention and courtesy. They enjoy the aspect of ‘royalty’ that is involved as do I. Women have always seemed to me to be a class of natural royalty on the Earth that lives amongst us. They know it instinctively and so do we. So for me to act in a basically chivalrous manner to ladies is both a natural and a fulfilling experience for both of us. This is another area where like dressing properly, it is easy for us to outshine other men and the ladies today really do (for the most part) enjoy and appreciate it.

There have been a couple of times in my life when I have been doing my basic routine of holding the door as a lady follows me through it or opening a car door for someone when I got a negative reaction. The woman in question has generally snapped at me and asked some pointed question such as “Do you think that I am incapable of opening my own door?” My reply to such a retort is always the same “Forgive me. No insult was intended.” Then I shake it off and do the same thing for the next lady.

Not All Women Understand Our Motivation To Serve And Revere Them

It seems obvious to me that there is some misunderstanding here because there is nothing at all in my heart that would attempt to belittle a woman, and in fact I enjoy this mild bit of subservience for its own sake. That being the exact opposite of what I am being accused of.

I think that as much as anything else, reactions like this have frightened many men away from doing the basic chivalrous acts that have defined proper male female relations for so long. I must repeat that in my lifetime I have only been accosted for such behavior a couple of times. So gentlemen, don’t worry about it! You won’t encounter anywhere near as much of it as you may fear.

Why DO some women react so angrily?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO) the women who react in such a manner are most likely women who suffer from self esteem problems. They are constantly out to prove their ability in this ‘male dominated world” and see any act of patronage such as holding a door as an insult to their capabilities.

Does it ever actually enter my mind that I am holding a door for a healthy young woman because she is incapable of doing so herself? Of course not. Little girls might not be big enough to open it for themselves and great-great-grand mothers may be too frail but the same goes for little boys and old men. I would hold the door for an older man who seemed frail or a little boy who could not get through on his own. The young and the old may be weak and so we should do things to help them. But we also see women get up and go to work for forty hours a week just like men do and they can certainly open and close doors, or pull out their own chairs. The average woman today is capable of almost anything.

So while little acts of service like this CAN be done because we consider the other people too weak or frail to do it for themselves, there is the second motivation which is to show our respect. Real men were put on Earth to serve and not to be served.The act of holding a door is meant not to insult. It is meant more as an act of reverence for her and her entire sex, than a patronizing act intended to belittle her or enforce my ‘male  privilege’ upon her.

Do Presidents, or Kings or Queens open their own doors when there are others available to do so? Is this because they are incapable? Is it because doormen consider these people inferior? No. It is done as a sign of respect for who they are. We as men should do the same. We should show our respect and downright reverence for the ladies we encounter. Most of them enjoy being reminded of their proper station in life as someone to be respected and even revered.

Just Do It! Be A Man!

So be a gentleman. Open doors. Stand when a lady enters a room. Pull out chairs and wait upon the ladies. Be chivalrous and do not fear angry replies. If they happen apologize and move on. Since you know your motive and she does not, do not return anger with anger. She may just be having a bad day and misinterpreted your motives. Simply respect her wish that you not do this for her and continue to do it for the multitude of women who would love to have you do it for them.

Ladies Always Come First

In previous entries I have discussed some issues related to what I call Rule #1 “Be a Manly Man:” and Rule #2 “Become your Ladies Domestic Servant”. If you have been able to do most of the things in Rules 1 and 2 you are well on your way to being ruled by a happy Queen. But let us now turn our attention to the third and final of my “Big Rules” to serve and please your Lady. This is the most personal and intimate of the three rules and it involves “Romancing your Lady to make her feel special”.

A truly Surrendered hubby is always available for romantic times whenever his Empress desires them. Why shouldn’t he be? This to me is one of the greatest joys in life! To serve her and please her and make her feel important and content with you is indeed a great honor! Since people are all individuals, all that I can do in this entry is relate how things have been for me and how the relationships in my life have gone. “Your mileage may vary.”

The first thing that I must state is that women in general do not think the way men do. That should be obvious, but if I state it out front it may help to focus on how WE as men must adapt to that fact if we are looking for success. Now let me state something that some of you may find surprising: “Women like sex!” They just don’t always like it the way men like it.

 

Women More Often Than Men, Think About Romance

 

Men on average think about sex almost all of the time! I’ve even seen studies that indicate that men think about sex every 20 seconds! It is just a constant with us! Often those thoughts are purely physical and the sight of an attractive woman (or just a subconscious thought about one) can trigger this response. And men when given the opportunity will often react readily with very little forethought.

Men More Often Then Women, Think About Sex

Women on the other hand are often ‘slower to boil’ and usually need to be thinking about it for some time before it happens. The thoughts are not always as physical as mens (Although they can be), and usually involve more of an emotional / romantic element than ours do.

So the first difference would be frequency. Since as I said in an earlier entry that most men masturbate at least daily, it follows that most men would be ready for sex at least daily as well (if they learned to control themselves!). Women (and I am speaking in general terms here) would like sex a little less frequently. This difference can lead to a certain amount of friction within the average couple. He simply wants it more often than she does. If he insists or pressures her or makes her feel guilty about not keeping him as satisfied as he would like to be, then she will eventually react quite negatively to the whole experience. No one likes to feel pressured. Much like being expected or ‘forced’ to do all of the housework, women do not like to feel ‘forced’ into being anyone’s sex tool.

Stop Pressuring Me!

Therefore, it is important that we men (if we want to please our ladies) need to control ourselves here. Do not pressure her for sex! You will only turn her off! But there is a flip side to this as well. Since most of the men who are reading this would probably categorize themselves as more submissive than aggressive with women, there will probably not be much of a problem of having you grab her, push her down and have your way with her as there might be with other men. But that does not mean that there is not a flip side to this which is just as bad.

Women do not want a passive aggressive mate who is constantly whining or begging for sex either. In fact most women would probably rather have the other extreme. It’s just not manly, and you can make a damned pest out of yourself by trying to make her feel guilty that your needs are not being met.

Well Mister Whiney Pants, I am here to inform you that ‘Your” need is to please “Her”! Neither of you may understand that, but it is (or it certainly always has been for me) the crux of the issue. When men truly begin to sublimate their own desires to the genuine desires of their mate, a wonderful transformation in your lives will begin. Like I talked about last time when dealing with housework, if she feels pressured or unappreciated or more likely both, she will be frustrated and unhappy. She may keep it all inside for a long time. But if she does, she will probably lash out at you eventually. This can be direct or it can happen in other areas, but nobody wants to feel pressured all the time to do things that are not their idea. It is not ‘her duty’ to please you!

Give the Woman Some Space!

So transform your thinking. Begin to understand what a privilege it is to please her! If you can do that and TRULY make that a new part of your personality and your outlook, she will begin to relax around you and truly begin to enjoy playing with you more than ever.

For me personally, my sex life basically took off when I began to truly focus all my energies on her. She has a certain ‘pride of ownership’ in how I look and behave outside the house. She feels secure that she is married to a manly man who will love her, provide for her, defend her and be someone that looks desirable enough for her to want to show him off. She feels relaxed and happy at home now because the house is generally ‘in order’ and although she often pitches in, she is not ‘required’ to do all the cooking and cleaning any longer. She doesn’t really consider me to be ‘her maid’, although she does laugh sometimes at my efforts to cook and clean. “You look so cute dusting the shelves like my little butler…” (It made me blush a little when she said that, but I was duly compensated later that day for what slight embarrassment I endured as well as for my efforts.) So she feels more relaxed, more confident, and more in control.

In my voluntary chastity I am almost always 100% ‘ready’. I certainly feel much more appreciative and ‘romantic’ now than ever before and I know that she notices. I let her know in subtle ways that if she wants me I will be there for her without either demanding or whining. If she lets me know that I am going to ‘get lucky’ then I follow through. If not it’s OK. I think she really loves it! By focusing on her all the time, she gets little gifts and thoughtful little reminders that I live to please her and this has made her feel much more romantic.

At first she would have her fun on me and then collapse exhausted. Later she would tell me that she felt guilty about having everything be about her. She felt guilty in just taking her pleasure when we were together. I let her know that that was what made me happiest and that my ‘pleasure’ meant very little compared to pleasing her. It took her time but she really grew to not only accept but really enjoy that role. She was to be pleased and served when she wanted it. Now she simply LOVES it!

There is no female frustration any more. She takes, I give. It’s as simple as that! And yet I “get” more than I ever have before simply because the pie to divide from is so much bigger now! Oh she encourages me to ‘enjoy myself’ from time to time, but it’s always either after she is finished with me OR she is simply so sated that she isn’t interested for herself at that time and thinks it’s time to “give me a little treat”. Either way it is more than enough for me! It is far more than I have ever had before! Oh and you guys out there who want a more sexually aggressive woman, this is the road to that goal! My Queen, when she wants me has become a real Tigress now! She even growls at me some times!

Be All That You Can Be!

One time she told me about an email that she sent to one of her girl friends. She told her that I cooked, and cleaned house and that our sex life had just gone “Zoom!” I had taken responsibility to make our married life in her words “The way that God had intended it.” I will post later on my thoughts about “Marriage the way God had intended it.” But for now I will simply say that she was quite satisfied with me and I felt very blessed. One time she was so happy about our new arrangement that she actually told me that she felt sorry for women from long ago and wondered if they ever had as much fun as she was having now. I told her that I was sure they had their moments and the stereotypes could not have been all true, but just in case they were, then I felt obliged to try to even things up. She liked that idea…

Who Doesn't Live To See This Look?

One of the things that often gets in the way of a happy personal relationship is life itself. Jobs, Children, Pets, Housework, etc… It becomes difficult when you are constantly interrupted by other things that do not allow you time to just be alone and relax. That is why in our house we commit ourselves to ‘get away weekends’ at least once every three months. We just travel somewhere and do something that we will both enjoy and stay away from home. They are often GREAT weekends and we both return feeling totally renewed and in love.

They can take planning, and well you’re the man! Talk with her see what she might like to do and where she would want to go then make the arrangements. If you get tickets for some event, a play, a concert, a museum, a festival, and set up the hotel reservations, (or plane tickets and rent a car), and just take care of things the way she likes it you’ll have a great time away. This is a time to just relax and be with each other. Especially if you have kids and can find someone to take them off your hands for a day or two this is terrific. Kids REALLY interrupt the happiness quotient at times. Oh I know that in the long run children make a life worth living, but at times they also drive people crazy.

Encourage Her And Build Her Confidence And Assertiveness.

 

So if you truly want to be her loving and obedient “Stepford Husband”, “Trophy Husband”, or “Surrendered Husband” then follow all three of my big three rules. Rule #1 – Be a man! Look good and carry yourself with dignity, strength, and gentility. Rule #2 Be her Domestic Servant! Clean her house and make her dinner! Do all the little chores that she is tired of doing. Take ownership of these tasks. And Rule #3 – “Be her loyal and eager male nymphomaniac in bed.” Always be ready to serve and please without being pushy, whiny, or demanding. This is the ultimate in personal service and once you have pleased her let her know how thankful you are for having been able to love her in this way and what an awesome woman that she is! Appreciate this marvelous gift!

Oh, And Always Remember Your Place....