"Can A Wife Be Too Domineering?"
http://rwddh.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-domineering-wife.html
I have been thinking on this in connection with the concept of 'self confidence' for some time and I would like to finally give my definitive answer to her question: Yes and No.
Obviously the first 'No' is that so many of us WANT her to dominate and be domineering more than she is! Very few women will or even could go to the full 'level five' female domination scenario that haunts our dreams. Nor would many men anywhere but in our dreams for that matter.
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| Ah paradise! This seems to be just about the right level! |
Of course this may be what haunts our dreams but the reality of it might get old pretty quickly and as I have outlined in earlier articles I doubt that she would like it much at all if it were her reality. Of course she too might fantasize about it too, but...
So that leaves us with the Lady of the house attempting to be the alpha mate in more conventional ways. She decides all the important issues, when to buy something big, where to live, where the kids will go to school, how much time you will spend scrubbing her kitchen floor, doing the ironing, buying her gifts, etc... (yum! - Oh I have digressed again. It is difficult not to drift off to happy fantasy land while writing about this stuff I can assure you.)
Sadly the reality of most 'domineering wives' is not a happy one. She feels powerless and in that powerless world she negatively tries to control what she feels that she must but can not. This woman is the negative image we all have of the nagging shrew.
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| Nag nag nag! He just tunes her out and she just gets madder and more demanding. |
This is the state we find MANY marriages in today. She is frustrated. She is angry. The man she married ignores her requests, so she stops requesting. She starts demanding. He ignores her demands. She explodes regularly out of anger and frustration over everything in her life.
He mostly tunes her out and slowly and coldly starts to hate her.
At this point we have reached marriage hell. Many of these couples do end in divorce.
Is there a solution?
Of course there is. But it will not be easy.
I will start with you men reading this cause well, I know our side better anyway and if you are committed to improving your marriage and making both she and yourself happy again then let me tell you there is a way to do that.
This was in many ways my situation.
If you are reading this entry as your first in this blog you may think: "Wait! Didn't you marry a whip toting leather bitch like all of us always dream about? That's what I came here to read about! What the hell kind of Female Dominance blog is this anyway!? I want my money back!"
OK for you I offer this:
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| There! This is why you are here! To read about my daily ass whippings and humiliation sessions right? |
As SAXXY as that scene might be it's not my reality and it's not the reality of over 99% of couples out there. If it's yours well YOU LUCKY DOG!!! Oh wait, "Down Boy!"
But to return to reality for a moment, you are a man with a nagging angry wife. You have tuned her out because all you get is anger and negativity. And even if what she wants you to do makes sense and is fair you aren't doing it to give her the satisfaction that she has won something! She is furious with you and your marriage is heading to disaster. What can you do?
In what should came as no surprise to anyone yet is to almost everyone, start to listen to her. Usually she is angry because she feels overwhelmed and forgotten. Many women today work full time, do the cooking and cleaning and never get either any appreciation for it or any help in doing it!
If this is you and to an extent it was me, STOP DOING THAT. Yes I know she seems like 'such a bitch'. Yes I know that everything out of her mouth is hatred for you right now. You are wondering why in the hell should I help her?
Guess what, if you want to improve your lives together it is the only way it will happen. One of you has to budge and 90% of the time or more it really is because we men have taken her for granted. If this is your situation, face it. All of her bitching and moaning and yelling is the final stage of her asking for help. If you start to just help, guess what? She will still yell and bitch and moan and still be mad as hell!
Oh well. Actually yes, from her position of powerlessness she still feels that it is important to continue to hurt you. It is a situation where the injured party is afraid to trust and has grown into a situation where their only safety is to 'Get the first hurt in' on the other party. To act vulnerable is unthinkable to them at this time.
And you know what you should do, keep pitching in. Do so without any smart mouth snapping back. Do things without her saying anything. She will wonder what is going on. Then later she will still yell at you to do something else and she will be ready for a fight and she will want to hurt you and .... Hell man this did takes years to get into this mess, but stick with it. You will be surprised. It does get better and it gets better fairly quickly. Just don't expect an overnight miracle.
Yes, you have done some chores she has always wanted you to do for her. And she is a little confused, but still mad as hell! She yells at you to do something else now. What is your response?
Well you could ignore her or yell back that "I JUST DID THAT OTHER THING YOU BITCH!!!", or you could offer no resistance to her will (OH SUBBY HUBBY LIKES THE SOUND OF THAT!) and say "OK" meekly and get up and do it.
If you simply do what she tells you to do without any resistance, how long do you think it will be before she starts to tone it down and stop yelling? It will happen in a fairly short time. No one fights forever once they realize that the other side has completely surrendered and offers no resistance. (OH BABY NOW WE ARE COOKING! TOTAL DOMESTIC SUBMISSION!!!)
The central issue about both of your behaviors at this point is her level of self-confidence. If she is doing everything like a slave and you are not supporting her, her level of confidence is zero and her level of anger and frustration is near 100%.
If she feels that she is in a partnership and that even though she sometimes does end up still being abusive (THAT'S FINE WITH ME!) that you are there to help her and support her, then the confidence starts to go up the frustration goes down and she starts to feel respected. Once the dynamic changes, the yelling ends, the affection is re-kindled (yeah you think regular make up sex is good? Try making up for years of intransigence...)
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| Isn't a satisfied confident woman what you always wanted to be married to? |
This to me is the key for the man. If you, the man want to stop the fighting just submit! 90% of the time if a woman is mad it is because she feels unappreciated and unsupported. This leads to feeling unloved. This leads to a lack of confidence and acting shrewish and always wanted to return the hurt she feels.
If you stop offering resistance and swallow some pride, (Oh boy don't we all want to taste some yummy pride before our women?) she will stop pushing and trying to hurt you.I know there ARE draw backs.
It amazes me still that I never put the two and two together myself for so long, and it still amazes me that while 97% of men admit to female dominant fantasies, and 67% admit that female dominant fantasies are the majority of their fantasy life, that so few want to support the one woman that could make them come true (on a limited basis of course - or who knows?).
I will have more to say on this topic soon from different perspectives.
The concept of personal confidence is one I have been mulling in my mind during this long hiatus from posting, and hopefully I will have a few things to say which others will find of value...
